House of Dreams by Pauline Gedge Read Free Book Online

jump up and begin to run, run away across the desert, run into the greedy, flushed arms of Ra and so perish. “Gods,” I blurted, and Pa-ari glanced at me sharply.
    “Thu, what is it?”
    I could not answer. My heart was thudding painfully, my hands jerking, half-buried in sand. Grimly I fought to regain my composure, and when the emotion began to ebb I put my forehead against my knees.
    “I’m twelve years old,” I said, my voice muffled against my own warm skin. “Nearly thirteen, Pa-ari. What stupid dream have I been wandering in? I became a woman several months ago and Mother and I went to the temple with the sacrifice and I was so proud. So was she. Before long you’ll be having your own babies, she said to me, and still I thought nothing of it.” I lifted my head and met his eyes. “What use has it been to me, all this learning? I was so caught up in the wonder of it, the joy of mastering. The prison doors are opening, I told myself, but not once did I pause to ask what lay beyond.” I laughed harshly. “We both know what lies beyond, don’t we, Pa-ari? Another prison. Payment, yes. Mother often rewards me. I mix the medicines, I keep her bag filled and in order, I soothe the women and wash the babies and bind the umbilical cords and all the time I am studying with you, I am learning so much …” I gripped his arm. “One day some young man from the village will come to our door with gifts in his hands and Father will say to me, so-and-so has sued for you, he has this many arouras or so many sheep, it will be a good match. What can I say?”
    Pa-ari pulled himself out of my grip. “I don’t understand what is happening,” he protested. “You frighten me, Thu. When such a thing occurs, you say no, if it is not what you want.”
    “Do I?” I breathed. “I say no. And time goes by, and then another man appears, perhaps not quite so young as the first, and I say no again. How many times can I say no before the men stop coming to our door and I become the kind of woman the other women make fun of and scorn? The dried-up old crones who are a burden to their families and a disgrace to themselves?”
    “Then at some moment you say yes, and resign yourself,” Pa-ari said. “You have always known that your fate was to be the village midwife and, if you are lucky, to marry and enjoy the fruits of your labour with a good husband.”
    “Yes,” I said slowly. “I have always known this, and yet not known it. Does that make sense to you, dear one? Not known it until now, this moment, here on the sand with you. I cannot bear it!”
    He continued to regard me. “Then what do you want, Thu?” he enquired softly. “What else are you fitted for? It is too late to apply to the temple as one of Wepwawet’s singers or dancers. You must start to dance at six years old and besides, the girls who dance do it because their mothers danced. This self-pity does you no credit. Life in the village is good.” I ran a distracted hand through my hair and sighed. The terrible weight of despair was leaving me.
    “Yes it is,” I agreed, “but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life here. I want to see Thebes, I want to wear fine linen, I want a husband who does more than come home covered in sweat and soil at the end of the day to eat lentils and fish. It is not a matter of riches!” I cried out passionately, seeing his expression. “I am not sure what it is, except that I must get away from here or I will die!”
    A tiny smile came and went on his face and I knew that for once he did not understand, could not share in the storm of apprehension that had whirled me about. His ambitions were small, comfortable and realistic. They suited his quiet temperament. Pa-ari was not given to idle dreaming. “Surely you exaggerate,” he rebuked me mildly. “It will take more than the disappointment of a life lived here to kill you, Thu. You are an obdurate young woman.” He scrambled to his feet and reached down to pull me