center of a woman’s physical universe and is both mysterious and magical. New lives begin there. Men spend the rest of their lives trying to return there. Some men have no limits to the experiments they will perform on their women, and some women have their own fetishes for putting strange things up there. Hospital records will tell you that emergency rooms have extracted some pretty bizarre things from the wombs of visitors. The most astonishing I’ve ever heard of was a woman in New York from whom they removed a stuffed Paddington Bear, complete with Wellingtons, rain hat, and mack, leading one to gasp and left unable to decide if the gasp is in horror or admiration!
POSITIONS & TRICKS
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ON TOUCHING—FIND HER RESILIENT EDGE OF RESISTANCE
I highly recommend the reading of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century , by Barbara Carrellas, as it is rich with information on all aspects of sexuality, from defining the relationship between your chakras and your sex drive, to providing sexual rituals and breathing techniques, to dispelling the most common myths of BDSM, to showing you how to make sexual magic! Her book makes most discussions of sexuality look positively one-dimensional.
I often wondered how I could describe in words, to my readers, how to touch one another, especially the first time around, when reading her face is all you can do because the opportunities for discussion are yet to come. I’ve had novices ask me, but putting in words the lessons surrounding the sense of touch is not an easy task. If you are lying in bed next to your partner, she can take your hand, put it where it feels good to her and even control the fingers, emulating what she would do to yourself. “Showing” I can do and have done and will continue to do, but “telling” is a bit tougher. So when I read what Barbara had to say about the “Resilient Edge of Resistance,” I thought, “Bravo—she nailed it!”
From Urban Tantra : “When you touch the body, you want to touch deeply enough that the body pushes back just a little. If a muscle becomes rigid under your touch, you’ve gone too far. If the muscle feels flaccid, you haven’t gone far enough. Sex that is too soft is vapid; sex that is too hard is assault . We want to learn to dance on the Resilient Edge of Resistance because that’s where the real pleasure is. When we reach that level of pleasure, gateways open to even more profound discoveries and connections.”
Touching is a matter of feedback—touch first, read her reaction, adjust, touch, read her reaction, adjust—don’t forget tip #7 for your “reaction input,” and do it frequently. Ask yourself if you are someone who is capable of dancing with a woman at her Resilient Edge of Resistance or do you just kind of plow through the act of sex without incorporating the feedback signals she is giving you? For great lovers, touching is a feedback circle. Touch, measure the satisfaction she is getting—if none, try another way, if some, try a little more . . . great lovers never stop measuring their own success in bed—and they measure it by their partners’ reactions.
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VARIETY IS AN ESSENTIAL INGREDIENT
To tickle her brain clit, the essential ingredient is variety. Making one small change in how you make love or seduce will have a thrilling effect. If you do one thing differently than you normally do, your partner will generally find it erotic.
What follows is a series of my most recommended positions and tricks. But remember that most women are easily stimulated by variety. Remember also what you learned about touch and dancing at her Resilient Edge of Resistance. Think about these things when you read the positions and tricks that follow. Some women will love them and some women will hate them and the same woman might like a particular position or action one day and abhor it another, so don’t try these until and unless you have mastered the whole business of reading her.
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UNDER THE