How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less by Nicholas Boothman Read Free Book Online Page A

see how easy it is, whether consciously or not, to signal either openness
     or defensiveness to another person by means of your body language. Gestures, rather than
     words, are the true indicators of your instinctive reactions.
    If you want others to believe that you can be trusted, you must be congruent. Your spoken
     language and your body language must say the same thing. If they don't, the other person's
     body will signal its discomfort to your body. In response to this communication, your

How to Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less

Words vs. Tone
    Say each phrase below with different tonality: anger, boredom, surprise and
     flirtatiousness. Notice how your body language, facial expression and breathing combine to
     alter your emotional state.
    “It's late.” “I've had enough.” “Look at me.” “Where were you born?”
    To check your tonality, find a friend and say one or two of these phrases. See if your
     friend can tell you which of the four feelings you're expressing. If it's not obvious,
     keep working at it until it's clear.
    body will signal to your brain by mixing up a chemical cocktail that corresponds to the
     discomfort that the other person is feeling. Then you will both be uncomfortable, and rapport will be that much harder to achieve. When they notice a
     discrepancy between your words and gestures, other people will believe the gestures and
     react accordingly.
    So, congruity occurs when your body, voice tone and words are all in alignment. And when
     your body, tone and words are communicating the same thing, you will appear sincere and people will tend
     to believe you. This is why a Really Useful Attitude is so important. Appearing sincere,
     or congruent, is a key ingredient for building the trust that opens the door to likability
     and rapport.
    Make sure that your words, your tonality and your gestures are all saying the same
     thing. Be on the lookout for incongruity in others. Notice how it makes you feel.
    We've all seen those old movies where a couple of people are driving along in a car, and
     they're rocking the steering wheel even though the background shows a road that's straight
     as an arrow. It's phonyyou know they're really in a studio being bounced around in a box.
     Your senses have told you that something isn't right, something is out of alignment, and
     so you can't believe what you see. Or have you ever had someone get mad at you and then,
     in the middle of bawling you out, flash a sinister little smile that disappears as fast as
     it came?
    Very chilling. This is another example of incongruent behavior. The smile doesn't belong
     with the anger; it's insincere.
    Recognizing incongruent behavior is another survival instinct. If you're on vacation and
     you're approached by a complete stranger who grins at you while he rubs his hands briskly together, licks
     his lips and says, “Good morning, how would you like to invest in the world's best
     time-share deal,” the chances are you'll be on your guard. A quick congruence check is
     instinctive and is another reason why first impressions are paramount.
    Frequently a person's emotions and intentions are misunderstood by those around them. For
     instance, a woman at one of my seminars discovered that she unconsciously used a tone of
     voice that was incongruent with her words. “No, I'm not confused, I'm interested,” she
     would insist when tested. And again, “No, I'm not sad, I'm relaxed.” This went on and on
     until she came to the verge of tears and said, “Now I know why my kids are always saying,
     'Mom, how come you get mad at us all the time?' And I'm not mad at them. Sometimes I'm just excited.”
    The same woman also told us that her coworkers accused her of sarcasm but that, to her,
     nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, sarcasm is simply words said with
     conflicting voice tone. It is structured so the person on the receiving end will believe
     what's