How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less by Nicholas Boothman Read Free Book Online
Authors: Nicholas Boothman
and she had me talking.
In 1967, Professor Albert Mehrabian, currently professor emeritus of psychology at UCLA, carried out the most widely quoted study on communication. He determined that believability depends on the consistency, or congruity, of three aspects of communication. In a paper titled “Decoding of Inconsistent Communication,” he reported the percentages of a message expressed through our different communication channels in this way: interestingly, 55% of what we respond to takes place visually; 38% of what we respond to is the sound
Rosa, a waitress, folds up the ad she's torn from a newspaper, clears off the table where
her new computer will sit and leaves her apartment.
At the electronics store, as Rosa hovers over the latest desktop model from Megahype, a
young salesman notices the ad in her hand and wanders over to her. He unbuttons his
jacket, spreads his hands out, palms up, and looks her in the eye. “I see you found it
already,” he says with a smile. “Hi, my name's Tony.”
For the next 10 minutes, a relaxed and sincere Tony talks to Rosa. He faces her with his
hands exposed and leans forward from time to time as they discuss the features of the
computer. Rosa listens with interest, her head tilted to one side and her hand on her
cheek, as Tony offers to “throw in” $95 of extras and even agrees to “eat the tax.”
Finally, stroking her chin as she forms a decision, Rosa nods. “Yes,” she says, “this is
the model for me.”
“Great,” says Tony, eagerly rubbing his palms together. “It will take about five minutes
to take it down and find some boxes.”
Rosa looks sideways at him and frowns. “You don't have a new one in a box?”
“That might be hard to find right now.” Tony's hands become fists, and he pops them into
his pockets. -*
“They're such an unbelievable dealthey've just been flying out of the store.” He buttons
up his jacket, shrugs his shoulders and laughs nervously.
“So this is a demonstration model?” Rosa tilts her head, inquiring.
“Just came on the floor this morning,” Tony shoots back with an insincere smile. He folds
his arms in front of his chest and turns himself sideways to her, pretending to be
distracted by something going on in the TV department nearby. His voice falters and
weakens as he says, “It has the same warranty as a new one.”
Rosa rubs the side of her nose in doubt. “Came on the floor this morning? Fine. Can I have
that in writing?”
Tony's back is turned to her as he leans over the monitor, fiddling with the cablesany
excuse not to look at her. He catches a glimpse of himself in one of the wall mirrors. Oh boy, what an idiot I am, he thinks. He bites his lip and turns back to face Rosa.
But Rosa is gone.
As a good waitress, Rosa is used to reading body language. She saw that the
salesman's gestures conflicted (lacked congruity) with his words, and she knew that she
should believe the gestures. The change in Tony's voice tone from informing to pleading
just served to confirm her feelings of doubt.
of communication; and 1% of what we respond to involves the actual words we use.
The Professor called these the three “V's” of communication: the visual, the vocal and
the verbal. And to be believable, they must all give out the same message. This is at the
very foundation of rapport by design. Over one-half of all communication is nonverbal! It
is the look of the communication, our body language, that counts the most: the way we act,
dress, move, gesture, and so on.
Need proof? Think of the last time you were with someone who stood with her arms crossed,
tapping her foot and looking annoyed, and then huffed the words “I'm fine.” Which clues
did you believethe words or the body language and tone of voice? Physical messages often
send a much louder message than spoken words. Since 55% of your communication occurs as
body language,
In 1967, Professor Albert Mehrabian, currently professor emeritus of psychology at UCLA, carried out the most widely quoted study on communication. He determined that believability depends on the consistency, or congruity, of three aspects of communication. In a paper titled “Decoding of Inconsistent Communication,” he reported the percentages of a message expressed through our different communication channels in this way: interestingly, 55% of what we respond to takes place visually; 38% of what we respond to is the sound
Rosa, a waitress, folds up the ad she's torn from a newspaper, clears off the table where
her new computer will sit and leaves her apartment.
At the electronics store, as Rosa hovers over the latest desktop model from Megahype, a
young salesman notices the ad in her hand and wanders over to her. He unbuttons his
jacket, spreads his hands out, palms up, and looks her in the eye. “I see you found it
already,” he says with a smile. “Hi, my name's Tony.”
For the next 10 minutes, a relaxed and sincere Tony talks to Rosa. He faces her with his
hands exposed and leans forward from time to time as they discuss the features of the
computer. Rosa listens with interest, her head tilted to one side and her hand on her
cheek, as Tony offers to “throw in” $95 of extras and even agrees to “eat the tax.”
Finally, stroking her chin as she forms a decision, Rosa nods. “Yes,” she says, “this is
the model for me.”
“Great,” says Tony, eagerly rubbing his palms together. “It will take about five minutes
to take it down and find some boxes.”
Rosa looks sideways at him and frowns. “You don't have a new one in a box?”
“That might be hard to find right now.” Tony's hands become fists, and he pops them into
his pockets. -*
“They're such an unbelievable dealthey've just been flying out of the store.” He buttons
up his jacket, shrugs his shoulders and laughs nervously.
“So this is a demonstration model?” Rosa tilts her head, inquiring.
“Just came on the floor this morning,” Tony shoots back with an insincere smile. He folds
his arms in front of his chest and turns himself sideways to her, pretending to be
distracted by something going on in the TV department nearby. His voice falters and
weakens as he says, “It has the same warranty as a new one.”
Rosa rubs the side of her nose in doubt. “Came on the floor this morning? Fine. Can I have
that in writing?”
Tony's back is turned to her as he leans over the monitor, fiddling with the cablesany
excuse not to look at her. He catches a glimpse of himself in one of the wall mirrors. Oh boy, what an idiot I am, he thinks. He bites his lip and turns back to face Rosa.
But Rosa is gone.
As a good waitress, Rosa is used to reading body language. She saw that the
salesman's gestures conflicted (lacked congruity) with his words, and she knew that she
should believe the gestures. The change in Tony's voice tone from informing to pleading
just served to confirm her feelings of doubt.
of communication; and 1% of what we respond to involves the actual words we use.
The Professor called these the three “V's” of communication: the visual, the vocal and
the verbal. And to be believable, they must all give out the same message. This is at the
very foundation of rapport by design. Over one-half of all communication is nonverbal! It
is the look of the communication, our body language, that counts the most: the way we act,
dress, move, gesture, and so on.
Need proof? Think of the last time you were with someone who stood with her arms crossed,
tapping her foot and looking annoyed, and then huffed the words “I'm fine.” Which clues
did you believethe words or the body language and tone of voice? Physical messages often
send a much louder message than spoken words. Since 55% of your communication occurs as
body language,