How to Party With an Infant by Kaui Hart Hemmings Read Free Book Online

the less she liked him and she didn’t want that to happen with Henry.
    “She won’t be good to go,” Kate says. “She’s a good girl. A pretty, popular girl. The stakes are raised with this one. She has a lot to lose. You must build the foundation.”
    “Jesus, Kate,” Henry says.
    She ignores him and slurs on. “Then,” she says. “Are you ready? Are you with me?”
    The boys nod.
    “Give it to me, Mrs. Hale!” Shipley says. “Let me hear it!”
    “We’re with you,” Henry says. “What does the boy do next? Say they’re at a party in Russian Hill. There are plenty of rooms. Hallways. What happens next, Kate?”
    She looks at Henry, but not with a scorching glare. Her gaze is soft and unreadable, supple—it could be saying either this or that. She turns away and faces Shipley, but she seems different now. Slow, distracted and sad.
    “Then, once you’ve given her attention and backed off, try to be at the same party as her. See that she’s having a good time. Perhaps engage in casual conversation. Be chipper and occupied. Have identical interactions with other girls. Run into her every now and then, but be busy, have fun. Believe me. She’ll be watching you.”
    “Then what?” his son asks. His eyes are watery as if he’s been in front of a campfire all night. He acts pissed off when he’s mortified. “Then what do you do, Mom?”
    Henry sees her caught off guard a little, perhaps by his tone, or because she’s forgotten he’s here, her son is here, her baby boy, who used to eat on Dad’s lap. She looks at Henry, then around at everyone, as if at once realizing all eyes are on her. But they usually are anyway. She’s beautiful, polished, thin, too thin. Every now and then she gets a pimple on her chin, right in the same spot. This has happened for as long as he’s known her, and now he looks forward to its appearance—the only thing about her that’s stayed the same.
    “Then you’re going to notice that this girl is looking for you, you know, talking to her friends in a way that you know is a performance. A show for you. A show that says, I’m having a great time. But you’ll be able to see through this. In fact, she may look a bit disappointed, a little unhappy. She misses your attention. She misses you. That’s when you make your move. Maybe the girl’s at the bar getting another drink, or by the keg, or whatever.”
    Ross raises his eyebrows.
    “Oh, please,” she says. “Like I don’t know.”
    “Or,” Tupp says. “Say she’s getting some fresh air because she drank too many root beer floats. That’s what we usually drink, Mrs. Hale.”
    “Okay,” Kate says. “So, she’s getting fresh air. Though it’s okay if she’s with other people. Talking to a group of friends. It’s more eventful this way, and then when people ask, ‘What was that all about?’ she’ll have a secret and she’ll love this secret because it gives her something to think about. Something different than the things she thinks about every single day.”
    Henry clears his throat. “Kate, I think we should head upstairs. I think we should go,” but she talks right over him:
    “Approach the girl and take her hand unexpectedly,” she says. “Without saying anything lead her down a hallway. She’ll laugh. She’ll say, ‘What’s going on?’ but don’t answer. Don’t say a word. Then, when you’ve found a place away from the group, stop walking. Face the girl.Hold her shoulders. She’ll know what’s happening. Move her against the wall, and without hesitating, kiss her. The girl will kiss you back. I promise you. Don’t kiss her kindly. Don’t be delicate. Bump your teeth against hers, make her mouth stretch. Kiss her violently, desperately, like what’s meant to happen is finally, finally happening. Try to swallow her whole. Touch the sides of her body. Move your hands up and down. Hook her leg around your body and press yourself in. Let her feel you.”
    “Jesus Christ, Mom!” his