How to Ruin a Summer Vacation (Ruined Series #1) by Simone Elkeles Read Free Book Online Page A

BITCH shorts on.
    "What's going on in here?" SD barks, accusing me with his eyes.
    Avi actually saw me undressed ...my butt, my boobs, my cellulite thighs. My tongue is in shock, just like the rest of me. Even if I could talk, I wouldn't even know what to say.
    Except I smell a rat.
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    I look at Snotty, who has this very subtle self-satisfied smirk on her face. She's the rat, no question about it.
    Uncle Chime is eyeing Ron accusingly. I know I didn't do anything, but I feel like a ho nonetheless.
    Out of the corner of my eye I notice Avi standing up. He says something in Hebrew to SD I can't understand.
    Ron says something angrily back to him.
    Snotty starts arguing with Ron.
    Uncle Chime stands as straight as a soldier, blocking the door, his hands on his hips.
    And I'm just standing here, half naked. I push past Uncle Chime and run to the bathroom. After I put on my tank, I still hear loud arguing coming from Snotty's room.
    I sit on the edge of the bathtub until the arguing stops.
    If this is my initiation to Israel, I'm scared to find out what the next three months here are going to be like.
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CHAPTER 8
    You can attract bees with honey, but why would you want to?
    The jet lag excuse works like a dream on the Sperm Donor my second day in Israel, with the added benefit that I've been able to sleep most of the day.
    But now it's the late afternoon and I'm fully rested. After grabbing a bite to eat, I put on my jogging outfit, grab my iPod, and head outside. As I venture down the street, I spot Sofia sitting outside on a lounge chair on the edge of the mountain.
    When she notices me, she waves me over.
    I jog down the dirt road and stand next to her. Peering down the mountain, at the lake far below, and at the other mountains in the distance takes my breath away. "Chicago is as flat as ..." I'm about to say "Snotty," but I don't.
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    Instead, I say, "We don't have any mountains where I live. I guess that's why they make skyscrapers, they're like Chicago's mountains."
    "I've never been to Chicago," Safta says.
    "Well, you'll have to come visit me. I can take you to the Sears Tower. You can see, like, four states from the top floor. It's totally cool. And we have Lake Michigan. It's so wide you can't even see across it."
    I get excited thinking about taking her around Chicago when she comes to visit me. She will love Millennium Park, where she can watch people and have lunch on the grass smack dab in the middle of the city.
    And I bet she'll love the Art Institute of Chicago and Museum of Science and Industry. The museum has awesome exhibits. My favorite is the dead baby exhibit.
    It's really called the Neonatal exhibit, but I say just tell it like it is. It's a bunch of real, dead babies of every stage, all encased in formaldehyde or some other liquid. They have about thirty embryos and fetuses that are one week old on up to a full term baby. They even show identical twin embryos. It's the coolest thing I've ever seen.
    Yeah, it would be neat to have Safia come visit.
    I sigh, getting caught up in the moment. "I feel like I could scan the whole country from up here." Then I think about the malls, miles and miles from here. "But it's so far from everything."
    "You're a city girl, eh?"
    "Through and through. Give me a Kate Spade purse and a pair of Lucky jeans and I'm a happy girl."
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    She laughs, the soft, warm sound filling the air.
    "I love it here. Away from the noise, away from crowds. It's the perfect place on earth for an old woman like me. Besides, at my age I don't need a Kate Spade purse or Lucky jeans."
    "I'm sure you were one hot mama when you were a teenager," I say, then want to take those words right back. Talking to her like she's one of my friends is a stupid thing to do.
    "I married your grandfather when I was eighteen years old."
    "Was it love at first sight?"
    "No. I couldn't stand the sight of him. Until one day he bought me flowers."
    Flowers? That's the oldest trick in the book. "So he brought