Humbug by Joanna Chambers Read Free Book Online

mum. Ben was looking at me, his face soft and so—so full of love. My mum was looking at both of us. Smiling.
    I swallowed, and the lump I felt in my throat shocked me.
    When Ben left, I’d been so angry. I’d forgotten what it felt like to be looked at like that. Like he loved me. Like he believed in me.
    Blinking hard, I swiped past the photo, flipping through more happy pictures before reaching a video clip. Ben with my nephew, Luca, playing with a Brio railway set. I watched it from beginning to end. It was nine minutes and seventeen seconds long, and nothing really happened, but I watched the whole thing and I couldn’t quite put a name to the tangle of feelings inside me, just to watch those nine minutes and seventeen seconds unfolding before my eyes. There was happiness, but sadness too, and an awful yawning sort of horror that I’d missed something important along the way, like the feeling you get when you think you’ve misplaced your passport or wallet.
    Towards the end of the video, the lens veered away from Ben and Luca.
    “Hey, Uncle Quin!” the voice behind the camera said. Milly, my sister. Luca’s mum. The picture blurred as she resettled the view, refocusing on me. I was leaning against the kitchen doorway, staring down at the phone in my hand.
    I stiffened at the sight of myself, so completely absorbed in the screen of my phone. On Christmas Day, at the height of my happiness with Ben.
    “Quin!” my sister insisted, and I looked up.
    “What?” I was frowning, distracted.
    “Is he on his phone again?” That was Ben, his voice more distant that Milly’s. “Honestly, Milz, he never puts the damn thing down.”
    The thing that surprised me was how fond he sounded. Not impatient or disappointed or irritated. Just a little exasperated, but with a smile in his voice.
    “Mummy, look!”
    The camera swung back to Luca and Ben, huddled over the wooden railway tracks. Ben was pushing a row of carriages along, each one with a different animal in it. Lion, elephant, giraffe, zebra. The carriages were held together with little magnets and every time he swept round a bend, it looked like they’d come apart, but they never did.
    Ben.
    He used to love me. He used to believe in me.
    I don’t think we’ll be seeing each other tonight—I know you, man…
    Maybe we can catch up in January…
    Fuck that.
    Fuck January.
    Suddenly, I wanted to see Ben now. Not to win him back, just to show him that—well, maybe that I was someone he could believe in again. Someone he could be friends with, even if we’d never be lovers again.
    I shut the laptop, not even bothering to power down, and abandoned it on the sofa, heading for my room. I snagged a clean shirt and my favourite jeans out the wardrobe and quickly changed, then roughly finger-combed some product through my thick, dark mop of hair. Moments later I was pulling on boots and a jacket and shoving my keys and wallet in my pockets. I’d never got ready so quickly in my life.
    I was just about to head out when the phone rang. I wandered into the living-room but by the time I got there, the answer machine had already clicked on. A short generic greeting played as I searched for the handset. When I finally found it, the caller was already speaking.
    “Hello, this is Sharon Bell, leaving a message for Quin Flint…”
    I could easily pick up, but a quick glance at the clock showed me it was already six-fifteen. The whole crowd—Ben included—would be in The Dragon by now. And if I took this call, I probably wouldn’t make it. I’d get sidetracked by work. I always did.
    “…you can get me on extension 6589. I’ll be here till at least seven if you want to call back.” The IT Manager’s voice paused, as though she was giving me one last chance to answer, then she added, “Bye then. And, um, Merry Christmas.”
    She clicked off.
    I stared at the silent handset in my hand for several long moments before bending down to carefully place it back in the