Hurt Me So Good by Joely Sue Burkhart Read Free Book Online

heard the lump in his brother’s throat. “You might have hurt her.”
    His brother made a low sound of regret.
    “That’s the difference between you and me, bro.” He tried to keep his voice light despite the heaviness pressing on his chest. “You’re reluctant to hurt the woman you love. Me, I can’t wait. And that’s why I’ve got a problem.”
    “Hold on a minute. I’m going to pull off the freeway. This talk is too serious for me to concentrate on driving.”
    Victor waited, contemplating just hanging up. His little brother might be Dominant, but he didn’t have the same kind of single-minded aggression. If someone Victor wanted to talk to hung up on him, he wouldn’t call back; he’d be sitting in their living room before they got home. Even if Conn did leave him alone, Miss Belle would certainly uphold her threat, and hands down, he’d rather talk to his brother than his mother about sadomasochism.
    “Still there?”
    Mouth quirked, he replied, “Yep.”
    “I was afraid you’d hang up on me.”
    “I thought about it.”
    His brother laughed, but then turned serious. “I have to admit that I don’t get the pain aspect. I mean, I know it hurts when I spank Rae, but I don’t start out with the intention of causing pain. I don’t try to hurt her, and by the time it does start to hurt, she’s feeling too good to care.”
    Victor caught himself nodding even though his brother couldn’t see him. “You’re both into sensual spanking. You don’t spank her to hurt her; you spank to get her off and you work off some of your aggression in the process.”
    “If I ever hurt her, I mean, really hurt her…” Conn growled out a curse beneath his breath. “It’d tear me up inside.”
    “It tears me up too,” Victor admitted softly, remembering the suffocating guilt he’d felt when he’d frightened Kimberly so badly that she dumped him. “I don’t want to like it, but I do. Nothing gets me off like pain, even if I feel bad about it later.”
    “Pain you feel, or someone else?”
    “Both. I like the feel of pain myself—it makes me appreciate what I’m doing for my partner. I know exactly what it feels like. I used the crop on myself long before I ever thought to use it on someone else.”
    “I thought you were a sadist,” Conn said carefully.
    “I am. I like to think of myself as a connoisseur of pain. I just like pain, even my own.”
    “If your new girlfriend likes pain…”
    “She does.”
    “Then…are you worried you’ll go too far?”
    Victor closed his eyes. “I know I will. I can’t help but go too far.”
    “You’ve been with subs before. I saw you do a scene at Silken and you were completely in control. Your partner was happy as far as I could see.”
    “She was,” Victor agreed, shame churning in his stomach. That woman had been Kimberly. He’d worked so very hard at controlling himself for her, denying that darkness that threatened to bubble up every single time he stepped into a scene. She didn’t want the Master in him, let alone his crop. “But I wasn’t.”
    “It looked to me like you were having a good time.”
    Victor ground out a harsh laugh. “That’s because I’m a damned good actor.” He pulled the ponytail holder out and rubbed his hand through his wet hair. He’d had his hair pulled back so long that his scalp was tender. “That was kindergarten shit for me. It wasn’t serious. It sure as hell didn’t get me off.”
    Not until he’d gone home and jacked off while hitting his thighs so hard with his crop that he’d been bruised the next day. He hadn’t had a choice. The only way he could come to Kimberly and love her the way she wanted was if he punished himself first.
    “Sorry if this is too personal, but can you get off without pain?”
    “Sure. It’s just not as good. It hasn’t been good in a long, long time.”
    “The first time Rae and I were finally together, I was damned close to losing control, but I made it through by the skin