I Had a Nice Time And Other Lies...: How to find love & sh*t like that by The Betches Read Free Book Online Page A

Activities: If you like sports, join a coed intramural sports team. If you actually like helping other people and planning events, join a charity committee. If you like skiing,plan ski houses with friends of friends. If you like reading 50 Shades of Grey, get a life. Just kidding, join a book club or some other activity that involves something that you actually like doing that has nothing to do with men. That way, you’ll wind up meeting guys who have a lot in common with you without the pressure of being forced to decide if you like each other immediately. Summerhouses in places like the Hamptons and Nantucket (or whatever local lake you have where you live) are great for bringing together extended friend groups and introducing you to people you can safely assume are normal by association.
    Work: Dating someone you work with is usually frowned upon because if things go sour, the awkwardness and discomfort is surrounding you five days a week and at every office happy hour. Plus, your office goggles almost always make the only moderately decent-looking bro in the office look like Ryan Gosling by comparison to his middle-aged balding counterparts. No doubt spending a ton of time with someone in that close of a setting leads itself to a ton of hookup opportunities, but it’s almost always best to not go there. I promise you that the Christmas party make-out sesh will not lead to marriage. Instead, it’ll lead to you having to avoid questions from your office mates about how big Jason’s penis is for the next three to five years.
    One exception to this rule is meeting men you work with peripherally or meet through work events, which can actually be a great way to meet people who have a lot in common with your work interests without the horror of having to seethem every day. Be careful with client-relationships, but keep an eye out for tangentially work-associated people.
    Getting Set Up: Getting set up can be a disaster or a miracle depending on who you let be your fairy godmother/yenta. The ideal matchmaker should be someone who has high standards for you and knows you well enough to know that someone shorter than five feet ten and employed at Equinox is simply not acceptable. They should know the kind of personality traits you value and the shit you can let slide.
    Never trust your grandma for a setup because she is half blind and therefore can’t see the receding hairline. Also, old people tend to see all young people as attractive both because of flawed vision and an idealization of youth. Likewise, your mom’s ideal match for you will likely have more to do with his 401K and less to do with how well he tans in the summer months so unless your mom is cool as fuck, leave the setups to your friends and well-connected coworkers.
    “I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?”
    —Zsa Zsa Gabor
    Bars/Clubs: The chances of you finding someone to make out with at a bar or a club are far greater than you finding someone who is boyfriend material. I mean, very few people find meaningful relationships with a guy who grabbed their ass during a dance floor hookup. Having said that, it does happen—on rare occasions—that a guyyou meet at one of these places asks you on a date because your drunken coordination of the Uber was just so impressive and he can tell from your six-inch stilettos that you’re going to make a great mom someday. Use your best judgment when deciding whether to accept.
    Making Sure You Don’t Ditch Your Friends
    No one likes the annoying bitch who ditches her friend at the first sign of male attention. Not only does this signal that you are flaky as fuck, it signals to the guy that he’s more important to you than your friends which is not exactly playing hard to get upon first encounter.
    At this stage of the game when you go out it should be to enjoy your friends’ company. If you happen to meet a great guy while out, that’s just the icing on top of the