I Know It's Over by C. K. Kelly Martin Read Free Book Online

anybody. Nathan had been having a rough time since he’d quit hockey. His dad was this former goalie, barrel of a guy who had no time for other guys that didn’t play sports. You can guess how he took it when Nathan gave up hockey, although sometimes I wonder if his dad’s attitude was the real reason he packed it in. Sometimes you do things to piss people off, even if you don’t want to, even if it hurts you. If you figure it hurts them more, it feels worth it.
    Most of that is beside the point, which is that I wasn’t a “natural predator.” I’ll admit I was horny, but if I was really a predator, I’d have done it with Dani and not given it a second thought. Me, I had plenty of second thoughts. Third ones even.
    “That’s what you think?” I said. “Basically I’m an asshole.”
    “ Now you’re offended. I never said that, Nick. You’re obviously just not ready for a one-on-one relationship, that’s all I’m saying.”
    “And you’re saying it like it’s a bad thing.” The least judgmental person I knew was judging me; of course I was offended.
    “You know Keelor would’ve taken that comment as a compliment.”
    “Didn’t sound like one,” I snapped. “Maybe you’re getting confused about who you’re talking to. Maybe you want to call Keelor and catch up. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”
    “You know it has.” Nathan sighed into the phone. “Look, maybe I’m just jealous.”
    “What’re you talking about?”
    “Well…” Nathan paused on the other end of the phone, masses of laughter spluttering out from his bedroom TV. “You have all this choice. You could be with Dani or you could be with one of these girls you’re always meeting. It’s not hard to find someone, is it? All you have to do is walk out the door and bingo, there’s someone ready to be your next girlfriend.”
    “I don’t have a girlfriend,” I cut in, completely missing the point.
    “Yeah, well, whatever. You could if you wanted. You could practically have anybody, Nick.”
    “You could meet someone.” My stomach did one of those roller-coaster dips, anticipating his reply. “Everybody likes you.”
    “Not the people I really like,” he said. “I can’t even tell them how I feel.” More laughter erupted from Nathan’s TV, filling the silence. He’s trying to figure out if he can tell me, I thought, and I don’t have a clue what to say.
    “Okay,” I said gravely, as though we’d decided something in that moment of silence. “Okay.” Let’s get this over with.
    “That French guy I told you about at work, Xavier,” he continued. “Yesterday I overheard him talking to one of the waitresses, and you know what he was saying?”
    “What?” My throat dropped deeper into my stomach.
    “He was saying, ‘That young faggot from the kitchen keeps following me around, looking lovesick.’ But I’m not, Nick.” Nathan’s voice chafed through the phone line. “I’m not following him around. The truth is I hate his guts. He’s full of himself because he’s good-looking. And that must be how he knows—he must see me staring at him, because I have been.” Nathan whispered those last words. “I fucking hate him, but I can’t help it.”
    Okay, I thought. So there it is. Out loud for the first time. “It’s okay, Nate.” My words lined up shoulder to shoulder, firm and steady. “Everybody has their own weird situations, right?” Like Sasha and me miscommunicating in the school hall.
    “Yeah, but this is really weird, Nick.” He sounded scared. I would be too. This was no small thing he was confessing.
    “It’s as weird as you let it be.” I wasn’t used to being on this side of the conversation with Nathan, and I didn’t want to let him down. “He doesn’t know anything for sure, right? You didn’t say anything to him?”
    “No, but he’s right. I’m attracted to him.”
    “It doesn’t matter,” I insisted. “He doesn’t know for sure.”
    “But it’s not just him. It’s