I Must Betray You by Ruta Sepetys Read Free Book Online

questions like Bunu had suggested:
Do you hear me?
    Reciting jokes,
    Laughing to hide tears of truth
    That we are denied the present
    With empty promises
    Of an emptier future.
    The list in Dan’s notebook—I thought about it constantly. I had even tried to ask Bunu about it a couple months prior when he was well enough to take some air outside.
    “ Salutare , ladies!” Bunu had called up to the Reporters from the sidewalk. He lowered his voice and laughed. “An old man says hello. They’ll chew on that for at least thirty minutes, eh? Crazy country . . .”
    That was my opportunity.
    “Speaking of crazy, I heard some jokes that claimed some crazy things.”
    Bunu’s thin wrinkled face turned toward mine. “What kind of things?”
    “That the Ceauşescus stole stuff during their visit to France. Oh, and that they turned Bibles from the United States into toilet paper.”
    Bunu spoke while staring straight ahead. “You heard those things in jokes, you say?”
    I didn’t reply. I held Bunu by the arm as he shuffled very slowlydown the sidewalk. When he spoke, the usual twinkle was absent from his voice.
    “Don’t repeat those ‘jokes.’ Ever. Do you hear me, Cristi? Not to anyone. Not to your sister, not to a friend, and especially not anywhere in public.”
    Was he implying what I thought he was? I had to know.
    “Bunu, has Ceauşescu outfoxed America?”
    My grandfather stopped on the sidewalk. His frail hand reached for mine, and his cold, thin fingers squeezed, trembling against my palm.
    He looked me straight in the eye.
    “You’re smart, Cristian. Wisdom—thank god that’s something this country can’t take from you. But trust no one. Do you hear me? No one. Right now there is no such thing as a ‘confidant.’ ”
----
    •   •   •
    His words. They return to me often.
    I remember walking with Bunu, thinking about trust. Who in life could we truly trust? What remains unseen, hunting through the shadows?
    I had no idea then that within a few months I’d be an informer and Bunu’s words would ring so true.
    I could trust no one.
    Not even myself.

14
PAISPREZECE
    After two visits and two weeks, I still hadn’t seen Dan.
    I waited for Mama in the hallway, outside the Van Dorns’ apartment. I hadn’t heard from Agent Paddle Hands, but if I wanted medicine for Bunu, I needed something to give him when I did. And finally, that evening Dan poked his head outside the door.
    “Hey, Cristian. I thought you might be here. Come in. Your mom’s waiting for my parents.”
    The Van Dorns’ apartment occupied nearly the entire floor of the building. It was a lemon bath of bright light warmed by the power grid of the U.S. Embassy down the street.
    Antique furniture. Tall bookshelves spilling with forbidden books: Müller, Blandiana, Pacepa. Expensive foreign paintings. Color photos in frames laddering the shelves. In America, photos were developed in color? Did all Americans have expensive, forbidden things—and hired help to dust them?
    “You want something to drink?” asked Dan.
    Of course I did. I wanted something to eat too. “No thanks.”
    “I have to show you these new stamps,” he said.
    Stamps. That’s what started the trouble in the first place. I followed him down the hall.
    Dan didn’t live in a closet. He had his own big bedroom, the sizeof our living room. On the wall was a poster of a band called Bon Jovi and a sports jersey with an autograph. He noticed my glance.
    “Dallas Cowboys. Texas. American football.”
    “Texas? I thought you’re from New Jersey,” I said.
    “I am. But my godfather is from Dallas. I’m named after him.” Dan gestured to a framed photo on the shelf. “His oil company is a corporate sponsor for the Cowboys.”
    I had no idea what that meant but pretended like I did. In the picture, Dan and Mr. Van Dorn were standing in an enormous sports stadium next to a glamorous dark-haired couple. They all looked relaxed and carefree, like the people