If Someone Says "You Complete Me," RUN! by Whoopi Goldberg Read Free Book Online

imitations.
    People tend to rush into relationships because they are afraid they are not going to have anybody, like that’s a bad thing. Also, we’re not a society that understands how important it is to be self-aware. It’s fine to want to be with somebody, but you’ve got to figure out what you’re looking for, instead of finding out what you don’t want when you’re in the middle of it. Like I said, I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but it just seems to me thatyou have to make a bargain with yourself and tell yourself the truth.
    You get into a relationship and you want to make the other person feel good or feel better about themselves, and as women we put our own needs or contributions or achievements on the back burner to stroke the man’s ego. So you bullshit him at your own expense.
    I started to see that trait in myself, but for a while I was too lazy to do anything about it. I would get into a relationship, and soon enough I would know it was bad. But I’d be so lazy that I wouldn’t break it off. So three, four years later, I’m still there. Then, one day, I’m like, “I’m taking my toys and I’m going. It’s been fun. See you! Bye.”
    But doing that is too much. So now I just cut them loose as soon as I know it’s not going to work.
    You need to say to yourself, “I’m going to wait and find the right person,” instead of “Oh, I’m so lonely, I’m going to jump into anything.” Look at this book as a brake. It’s just a long, long brake, like in the old Volkswagen Bug. Pull up that brake, slow down, and give yourself time to find the right person.
    At this point in my life I have three grandchildren, a daughter, a son-in-law, and now a great-grandchild. They take up a lot of my time. I have a terrific family, and I don’t need a new one or another one. I have my career, which keeps me pretty busy, and I have all theother things I like to do with my time, the things that are bigger than me, like raising awareness about HIV/AIDS, education, homelessness. (You already know I also have a cat, an evil cat, and that that’s really all I can handle at home at this point.)
    So I have a lot of things going on. I also have myself and my relationship with myself, which is pretty important and helps keep all those other things going. So I know that bringing somebody in would require that I stop and think about yet another person. And that would probably be too much for me. Although a relationship can be a lot of fun in the beginning, in the end, it becomes too much responsibility.
    I got to this place of knowing over time, from my life experience. It’s because I have my family and my career set up. It’s because I’ve made a lot of mistakes and have tried to learn from them. It’s because I have learned to be honest with myself, have learned who I really am (normal), and I have accepted it. It’s also because I don’t buy into the media hype.
    The thing I would say to everybody is “Stop letting the media tell you what you feel and what you think you need.” It’s just so stupid.
    Like on
Gossip Girl
: they all have the best clothes and they have their cliques and they play games to get their man. “I’m going to do this, and then he will do that.” Media and advertising are all about manipulating people.In some ways, self-esteem has become a media creation. Yes, people have self-esteem, but then we’re told, “Your self-esteem is not enough.” We need to have certain clothes and toys and friends and behavior.
    If you’re lucky, you grow up like most kids. Some shit you know, some shit you don’t. Some stuff is hard, some stuff is easy. You learn a lot, but you get better, and the mere fact that you’re getting better lifts your self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem comes from learning new things and developing yourself. Not from having all the right stuff.
    Now we’ve put it in people’s minds that it’s a
Gossip Girl
world. I don’t know if it is, but I do know that if