Imaginary Friends by Nora Ephron Read Free Book Online Page B

doing.
    The two of them scramble up the fig tree. A beat. The branches open, and we see them now
.
    MARY : I can’t believe you did that.
    LILLIAN : I’m amazingly strong for my age.
    MARY
shakes her head in wonderment
.
    I saved you.
    MARY : Hey, wait a minute. It was
my
uncle, and
my
house—
    LILLIAN : What are friends for?
    MARY : —and
my
story. And now you’re the queen of it. You’re always doing that!
    LILLIAN : Doing what?
    MARY : You always take over—
    LILLIAN : I do not.
    MARY : You do, too.
    LILLIAN : No I don’t—
    MARY : Yes you do. Look at us—we’re hiding in
your
fig tree. Guess what? There are no fig trees in Minneapolis!
    The branches close over them. We hear a terrible thrashing noise
. MARY
falls from the tree. Splat
.
    BLACKOUT
.
Scene 2

    “Fact & Fiction”
    FACT :
    I’D LIKE TO INTRODUCE MYSELF
THE NAME IS FRANKIE FACT
    FICTION :
    HI, I’M DICK FICTION
AND FRANKLY, THAT’S A FACT
    BOTH :
    AT TIMES WE TEND TO TANGLE
THERE’S FRICTION IN THE ACT
    FACT :
    ’CAUSE “FICTION” PLAYS IT FAST AND LOOSE
    FICTION :
    AND “FACT” IS SO EXACT
    BOTH :
    BUT WHEN WE DO OUR NUMBER
IT’S SOMETHING OF AN ART
AND NOW AND THEN THEY EVEN SAY
IT’S TOUGH TO TELL US APART
    FACT :
    FACT
    FICTION :
    AND FICTION
    BOTH :
    COMIN’ TO YA WITH A SONG AND DANCE
TAKIN’ FOCUS WHILE WE GOT THE CHANCE
SEE THE DAPPER DANCIN’ FELLERS
EACH CAN BE THE BEST O’ SELLERS
    FACT :
    FACT
    FICTION :
    AND FICTION
WHAT’S IT LIKE TO BE IN SUCH GOOD TASTE?
    FACT :
    HOW’S IT FEEL TO KNOW YOU’RE “LOOSELY BASED”?
    FICTION :
    FACT’LL OFTEN ACT OFFICIOUS
    FACT :
    LEAST I’LL NEVER BE FICTITIOUS
    BOTH :
    WE’VE BEEN BOOKED AT THE PALACE
WE’VE BEEN BOOKED IN DULUTH
    FICTION :
    ONCE I SOLOED IN DALLAS
    FACT :
    THINLY DISGUISING THE TRUTH
    BOTH :
    WE’RE
    FACT :
    FACT
    FICTION :
    AND FICTION
    BOTH :
    AND SINCE YOU’RE COMFORTABLE WITH WHICH IS WHICH
SOME PERFORMANCES WE PULL A SWITCHEROO
FACT MAY IN FACT BE FICTION
OUT OF HIS JURISDICTION
SOMETIMES, IN FACT, THERE’S FICTION, TOO
    FICTION :
    WHAT IF I USE POETIC LICENSE?
    FACT :
    BETTER TO USE A NAKED FACT
    FICTION :
    WHAT IF IT NEEDS EMBELLISHING?
    FACT :
    A FRAUD IS A FRAUD
    FICTION :
    WHAT IF IT TAKES A FIB
TO GET THE FOLKS TO APPLAUD?
    FACT :
[To the audience.]
    PLEASE, I BEG YA, DON’T PROVOKE ’IM
ALL YOU’LL EVER GET IS HOKUM
    FICTION :
    WHAT IF I CHANGE THE NAMES A LITTLE?
WHAT IF I FEEL THE NEED FOR TACT?
WHAT IF HER NAME IS EVA AND I CALL HER YVONNE?
    FACT :
    WHY WOULD YOU CALL IT FICTION WHEN THE FICTION IS
“NON”?
    FICTION :
    FACT IS GETTIN’ KIND O’ CRANKY
    BOTH :
    SAIL ALONG WITH DICK AND FRANKIE
    BOTH :
    WE’VE BEEN BOOKED IN THE CACTUS
WE’VE BEEN BOOKED IN THE SNOW
    FACT :
    I’M A STICKLER FOR PRACTICE
    FICTION :
    I MAKE IT UP AS I GO
[They dance.]
    BOTH :
    IT’S WORTH ALL THE CONSTANT FRICTION
WORTH EV’RY CONTRADICTION
WORTH IT WHEN FACT AND FICTION BOW
WHEN WE TAKE A BOW
LET’S HEAR IT FOR FACT AND FICTION NOW
Scene 3

    Rich and famous
.
    LILLIAN : Rich.
    MARY : Famous.
    LILLIAN : Much more famous.
    MARY : Much less rich.
    LILLIAN : You said it, sister.
    MARY : And much less famous. But famous.
[Beat.]
In 1963 I published a best-seller called
The Group
. It was made into a movie. It was a novel about a group of women who’d gone to Vassar together—
    LILLIAN : —viciously reviewed by some of your closest friends. In 1969 I published my first memoir—
    MARY : You were washed up as a playwright—
    LILLIAN : It was a best-seller called
An Unfinished Woman
—
    MARY : I went to Vietnam and wrote about the war—
    LILLIAN : No one read it. I wrote another best-selling memoir called
Pentimento
.
    MARY : “Pentimento” is Italian for “I couldn’t really remember, so I just made it up.”
    LILLIAN : A chapter in it, called “Julia,” was made into a movie—
    MARY : We’ll get to that shortly. I went to Washington to write about Watergate—
    LILLIAN : Did you? I’d forgotten that if I ever knew it. I wrote another