Inside Out by Grayson Cole Read Free Book Online

average black American—when watching Roots , or Amistad , or any period piece with Denzel Washington in it. She felt briefly as if she wanted to kill every white person she knew.
    A little after the show, Rett was standing with a group of his friends and Tracey with a group of hers out on the lawn.
    She saw Garrett wave but averted her gaze and didn’t wave back. It was just a reflex. Tracey knew she shouldn’t have done it, but how would she have explained him to her friends? He passed it off as a joke to his friends. The next night around nine he showed up at her house. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know if he knew what she had done. He never mentioned it. Instead, he asked if she was hungry. She was. To avoid going out or even having someone deliver to them, she offered to cook. Again.
    â€œI wouldn’t want you to go to too much trouble. Besides you always cook. Let me do it,” he insisted.
    â€œI don’t know,” she hesitated, biting her lip. “My kitchen is very important to me.”
    â€œCome on, I know my way around a kitchen.”
    â€œI don’t think so.”
    â€œPlease,” he whined, reminding her of a little boy wanting to stay up late at night watching his favorite television show. “At least let me help.”
    There went that tickle again. This was all unfair, very unfair. “Sure, what would you like to eat?” Tracey had a five-star kitchen. Her father had made sure of it. He had a penchant for exotic liquor, exotic music, and exotic food. He had passed it on to Tracey. She was most like him.
    He was the only one who understood everything that went on inside her head. He understood it, even if he didn’t always like it. So even though they were close, he spent a lot of time being angry with Tracey. But he was ever proud. He thought she was a warrior against adversity as he was. But that was before everything happened.
    * * *
    The first time Garrett forgave her was that night after she snubbed him. After actually getting dinner prepared, a chore with Garrett making himself a general nuisance, they talked mostly about law. At some point, he tried to get her to talk about herself and the circumstances behind her living arrangements. Tracey didn’t want to. She was relieved when he didn’t press her. There were some things she hadn’t ever talked about and never intended to talk about with anyone. She was relieved that her sophomoric behavior on the lawn had apparently gone unnoticed. Or so she thought.
    The next time she saw him and they were at school, she was posted at her usual spot on the steps laughing at some guys freestyling about an Econ 111 exam. She’d always known there’d be a rap one day about shifts in the oil demand curve. She laughed so hard tears slipped from the corners of her eyes. She dabbed at them, and, when she looked up, Garrett was looking right at her, and then he was walking right towards her. Until that time, never had her knees gone weak. It was a good thing she was leaning against that pillar. Tracey watched him, her eyes locked to his, and slowly she rolled her head from side to side hoping no one would notice. He stopped in his tracks but was not kind enough to release her gaze. Tracey was helpless until, with a disgusted look, he turned and walked away.
    That same night, she sat for hours slowly sipping brandy and Coke, trying for the mildly disoriented effect.
    He came to her that night and asked for an explanation. He told her not to say she didn’t know what he was talking about or that she hadn’t done anything because it was the second time. The first time, he hadn’t made a big deal about it because he hadn’t wanted to embarrass her.
    He didn’t want to embarrass me, she thought. She wilted with that revelation.
    He wanted to know why. Tracey put a cushion over her head and replied, “Because I’m stupid that way.”
    â€œThat’s