It's My Life by Melody Carlson Read Free Book Online

telling myself every single day?”
    “Yeah, but do you ever listen?”
    He looked directly at me then and suddenly I could see his eyes were getting moist and I wasn't sure how much I should push this. So I just prayed a quick, silent prayer, asking God to help me out here. I mean, who am I to think I can rescue somebody like this? I suddenly realized I was walking on real shaky ground here. What right do I have to tell anyone else how to live? I mean, what do I know of his struggles, his demons, his fears?
    But then I said, “You know, Zach, God has never stopped loving you, not even for a minute. And He will never stop forgiving you either. But you've got to love yourself and you've got to forgive yourself.” I think that got his attention somehow, and so I thought I'd better continue. “Now, I'm convinced you're aware of how badly you hurt Beanie, and to be honest, when I came here today, I really wanted to let you have it with both barrels.” I shrugged. “But somehow I don't feel that way anymore.”
    “Probably because you can see how I've done such a great job of beating myself up,” he said in a dismal tone.
    I nodded. “Maybe. But just the same I wanted to let you know how Beanie's doing. Have you seen Josh lately or heard anything?”
    He shook his head sadly. “Actually, I've been out of town a couple of weeks, just hanging with the wrong crowd and messing myself up even more. I came back this morning, hoping I might be able to straighten out before I lose everything.” He looked me in the eyes. “And I mean everything , Caitlin.”
    Then I finally reached over and put my hand on his arm (I couldn't even believe I did it), and then I said (to my own surprise), “Zach, can you please forgive me for judging you?”
    He looked shocked. “Geeze, Caitlin, what'd ya mean? You've got every right to judge me. Shoot, I've been a total jerk to your best friend. I've been selfish and irresponsible–”
    I held up my hand to stop him. “I know, I know. But I was having some pretty bad thoughts toward you. And now I'm thinking you're sorry about everything that's happened with Beanie.”
    “Yeah, I'm sorry. You bet I'm sorry. Man, if I could turn back the clock, I would in a minute. I would! I'd do anything to get everything back to where it was last spring, before all that–I mean, even my own life has gone from the highest heights down to the pits of hell. And I know it's my own stupid fault.” Then he pounded one fist into the other. “And you know what, Caitlin? Right here and now, I've made up my mind. I'm going to give up that stupidcollege scholarship. I'm going to get clean, and I'm going to do the right thing and marry Beanie and be a father to my child.”
    Well, you could've just blown me over and swept me away with a broom! “You're what? ”
    “Yeah, I've given a lot of thought to what Pastor Tony said–you know all that stuff about how an unborn baby is a real human being and how abortion is murder and–”
    Well, I just couldn't let him go on another minute, he was in such pain, and I knew I had no right to drag this whole thing out. So I said, “Wait, Zach. Stop and listen to me. I've got something to say that you need to hear right now.” Then I told him the whole, sad story of how Beanie jumped in front of the car to save Oliver and how she lost the baby and everything. And by the end, we were both just sitting there crying. Right there in Starbucks with God and the whole world looking on. I'm sure the couple at the next table thought we'd both recently escaped the loony bin. Then I just looked around to the people who were quietly watching us, although pretending not to and said, “So, did you enjoy the show?” Then I grabbed Zach's hand and tugged him toward the door, calling out as I went, “And wait till you see what we have lined up for next week's episode; same time, same place.” And you know what? They all clapped!
    Then Zach and I sat in my car and continued to talk for