It's My Life by Melody Carlson Read Free Book Online Page B

did the calling. Greg wasn't home, but Josh was, and I started telling him what was going on but got interrupted by the pay phone computer voice demanding more money. (Man, those guys are heartless!) Josh asked where I was and offered to come over and talk. So Beanie and I refilled our drinks and waited for him to show up. Then the three of us talked about ways we might be able to help encourage Zach, and I have to admit (only to this diary) that Josh grew in my eyes tonight. Just listening to him really care about someone besides himself and his wanting to help made me see him in a whole new light. But now, I'm telling myself, calm down, Caitlin girl, don't you go getting yourself all worked up–remember your commitment not to date,… But honestly, tonight it was tempting to just put all that behind me when I saw Josh sittingthere being so mature and concerned, and okay, good-looking too! But the good news is, I won't succumb! My heart belongs to God and I won't break my promise to Him. And if Josh and I can just be friends, great. And if not, fine. But I'm not turning back. Not at all!
    So anyway, Josh decided to head right over and check on Zach tonight (much to our relief), and then he promised to call and tell us how it went. I suggested he call Beanie since I know she's been biting her nails (I mean literally!) over this all day. And then she can let me know what's up. Besides, I just wasn't sure I was up to hearing Josh's voice over the phone tonight, especially when I'm dealing with these recent temptations. I am determined to stick with my vows, no matter how challenging it gets. I know it's for my best. I really do.
    DEAR GOD, PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME TO KEEP MY VOWS TO YOU. I HAVE THE GUT FEELING THAT I CAN'T DO THIS THING ON MY OWN. I'M AFRAID I MAY BE TOO WEAK. BUT I KNOW YOU'RE STRONG, GOD. SO, ONCE AGAIN, I GIVE YOU MY HEART. NOW PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR STRENGTH. AMEN.
Friday, August 3 (stretching time)
    So this is how it goes, huh? I ask God to strengthen me in the area of being tempted by Josh and I end up spending the entire evening with him the following night. But let me explain.
    First Beanie calls me at work today (which I try to keep short since I'm not supposed to take personal calls) and asks me if I can do something with her and Zach tonight. I say sure, I'd love to, but that I gotta go and hang up.
    Then I get home, and there Josh is sitting on my porch drinking iced tea with Ben and my mom. He waves and smiles, and I ask what he's doing there, and he winks at my mom, then quickly explains, “Now, don't come unglued, Caitlin; this isn't a date. Beanie just asked me to pick you up, and we'll go get Zach. Didn't she tell you all about it?”
    “Well, she told me about doing something with Zach, but she didn't say much else.” And then Josh's face sort of fell, and I realized how rude that sounded. “But that's okay, Josh,” I said quickly. “You just took me by surprise. I think it's great that you're coming. Do you mind if I go change?”
    “No, take your time. Beanie said we're going to do silly things like putt-par and bumper cars and stuff.” Of course, then Ben thought he should come too, and I almost agreed, but then I remembered the serious issues that Zach and I had talked about two nights before and I wanted him to have that kind of freedom tonight if he needed it. “How about another time, Ben?” I said honestly. And to my surprise this seemed to satisfy him.
    So we picked up Zach, then Beanie, and although things seemed a little tense at first, it slowly loosened up. And in the bathroom at putt-par, Beanie told me howZach had called her today and that they'd had a good, long talk. He'd apologized for everything and explained what had been going on with him the last few weeks. “He seems so changed,” she said. “I mean, kind of broken or humbled or something. And not necessarily in a bad way, although I wouldn't wish what he's gone through on anyone.” Then I reminded her that