It's Not Okay: Turning Heartbreak into Happily Never After by Andi Dorfman Read Free Book Online Page A

not a loss. It’s a fresh start; a clean slate. A chance for you to reinvent yourself, reevaluate the person who you want to be, the places you want to go, and the people who you want to be in your life. And though the reinvention takes time, take comfort in knowing that it awaits you whenever you’re ready.
    It’s a failure.
    You failed at choosing the right man, at making it work, at living happily ever after. I get it. I’ve never felt like such a failure in my entire life than I have during this breakup. I couldn’t make it work, no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t be the person he wanted me to be, no matter how many concessions I made. I couldn’t be happy despite the privileged life I was getting to live. I failed at it all.
    But why is “failure” such a bad word? Why do we put such negative emphasis on failing? It’s as if we are supposed to go through life having succeeded in everything we do. But the truth is, everyone fails! Nobody has the magic touch that turns everything to gold. I mean, think of all the successful people who have failed:
    •  Oprah: fired from her first television job
    •  Steven Spielberg: rejected by USC
    •  Thomas Edison: made 1,000+ light bulbs that didn’t work until one finally did
    •  Lady Gaga: dropped from her first record label
    •  Michael Jordan: cut from his high school basketball team
    •  Jennifer Lawrence: auditioned for Twilight and got rejected
    •  Bill Gates: dropped out of college
    All of these people have one thing in common: they failed before they succeeded. I’m not saying you’re going to be the next Jennifer Lawrence or Bill Gates or Oprah, but if they can overcome their failures, so can you.
    It’s wasteful.
    You probably feel as though you’ve wasted your time, your energy, and your love on your broken relationship. And you have. You’re not getting that time back. Sorry. When I think about all of the things I experienced with Number Twenty-Six, I think of all the many “firsts” and “bests” I spent on him. Obviously, it was my first engagement, which I won’t ever get back. But it was more than that. It was the first time I’d felt love at first sight, the first time I felt as in love as I did. There were so many best dates, best moments. There were the first kisses, the first time he said, “I love you,” the first time I met his family, our first holiday together.
    But here’s the thing, they are only firsts, not lasts. The lasts are what count! The firsts are starting points, you learn from them, so you can master the lasts. I mean come on, do you care about the first tooth you lost, or the last one that meant you were officially an adult. Do you care sixty years from now about the first kiss you had with your high school boyfriend, or the one you have with the love of your life?
    It’s normal.
    Lastly, and most important, remember that you are not the first person to go through a breakup, nor will you be the last. I promise. Think of the countless celebrity couples who have broken up, even the ones with their own super-couple nicknames: Bennifer, TomKat, Tay-Squared to name a few. Yes, you and I are just like them! Trust me when I say you are not the first person to cry in the shower so nobody hears you, or call in sick for work because of an ailing heart. You are not alone in feeling angry, regretful, or just plain bummed out. It’s one of the few times where feeling unoriginal actually brings you solace.
    So know that everyone may seem to care now, but let ’em gossip away. You may be the hot topic today, but someone else’s fuck up will be the latest juicy news tomorrow.
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    Lesson learned: Anyone who says a breakup isn’t embarrassing is lying.
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DAY 5. 1:33 P.M.
Self-Help Ain’t Helping
    I went to sleep last night crying only to awake this morning to tears streaming down my face. How is it possible to literally wake up crying? I haven’t been awake long enough for any thoughts to make their way