Jeeves and the Wedding Bells by Sebastian Faulks Read Free Book Online Page B

such great quantities?’
    ‘I doubt it, sir. The literary life is famously ill-rewarded.’
    ‘So it’s the father’s loot, is it?’
    ‘No, sir. The Colonial Service pension, even for such a celebrated civil servant, would be a modest one. The family’s fortune derives from the mother’s side. Mrs Venables is a Spanier.’
    ‘A Spaniard?’
    ‘A Spanier, sir. Of Spanier’s Sausage Casings. They are a large Wiltshire company of considerable repute. They hold a royal warrant granted by the late queen. They were recently bought by an American processed-food concern. Mrs Venables was the majority shareholder following the death of her parents. She is now a non-executive director of Hickory Hog Holdings in Cincinnati.’
    I let out a whistle. ‘That should cover it.’
    ‘The company also owns a proprietary relish or catsup, that you may have encountered in New York, sir.’
    ‘By golly, Jeeves, not “Hickory Hot Boy”—’
    ‘The very—’
    ‘“It’s Smokin’ Good!”’
    ‘So I am assured, sir, though I have not had occasion to sample the condiment myself.’
    ‘And you gleaned this from the horse’s mouth as it were?’
    ‘Mrs Venables was generous with the details, sir. While less garrulous than her husband, she appears similarly contented with the hand that life has dealt her.’
    ‘I’m not surprised. Which brings us to the case of poor old Woody. Any rays of light there?’
    ‘I fear not, sir. Sir Henry was somewhat offhand in his manner towards Mr Beeching. And Miss Hackwood refused to pass him the salt, repeatedly affecting not to hear his request.’
    ‘I see. The doghouse. Poor Woody. And Venables? Did he throw him a bone?’
    ‘Mr Venables’s attitude could I think best be described as patronising, sir. Miss Meadowes was the only person who attempted to include Mr Beeching in the conversation.’
    ‘What about Lady H?’ I said. ‘Surely the hostess was at least polite?’
    ‘Lady Hackwood’s manner was on the chilly side.’
    ‘Arctic?’
    ‘A degree or two above, sir. Enough to attain a modicum of civility, but little more. One had the impression that were it not for the cricket match on Saturday Mr Beeching’s presence would not be tolerated.’
    I was turning this information over in the mind and I didn’t much like what I saw.
    ‘I trust the Côte d’Azur was not mentioned?’
    ‘It was briefly alluded to by Mr Rupert Venables, sir.’
    ‘Really? You surprise me greatly.’
    ‘He appeared to be chaffing or teasing his fiancée, sir.’
    ‘Golly. That’s a bit rich. And how did she take it?’
    ‘She was able to make light of it, sir, though I saw hercast a warning glance towards Sir Henry, at which point the young gentleman desisted. Sir Henry’s expression was not encouraging.’
    ‘I should think not.’
    ‘Will there be anything else this evening, sir?’
    ‘Hang on, Jeeves. Were there any sticky moments when you thought you might be rumbled? Did Sir Henry mention Burke or Debrett?’
    ‘Neither, sir. The subterfuge passed off with an ease I had not foreseen. Having a long acquaintance with country houses, I was familiar with the etiquette. Mr Venables made it unnecessary for the other guests to speak to the floor, as it were, so I ran no risk of exposure there.’
    ‘You could just have a quiet natter either side with Georgie or Mrs V.’
    ‘Exactly, sir.’
    ‘You didn’t find yourself under cross-examination?’
    ‘Knowing who I was, Mr Beeching and Miss Hackwood were naturally discreet, and of course Miss Meadowes was also aware of my true identity. Lady Hackwood appeared too out of sorts to take much interest in her guests.’
    ‘But surely a snob like Sir Henry would have wanted the dope on your coat of arms and all that stuff?’
    ‘After the ladies had retired I did find myself the subject of some questions of a genealogical nature from Sir Henry. I thought it best to steer the conversation on to a subject I knew would interest him even