Jumping Off Swings by Jo Knowles Read Free Book Online Page A

He looks so cute with his hands stuffed in his pockets, his curly hair filled with snowflakes. If Ellie wasn’t here, I might do something about it. I’m not sure what.
    But he looks at Ellie instead of me when he says good night. Figures. They always want Ellie.
    But then he walks over to me after all. My stomach flutters.
    I try to look pretty while wondering what this romp in the snow has done to my frizzy hair.
    “Thanks for bringing her,” he says.
    Oh. So much for the flutters.
    “I mean, I’m glad you came.” He steps a little closer. Ellie is already heading for the car. “I mean, it was nice of you to bring her, that’s all. You’re a good friend. To her.” He steps even closer. One more step and we’ll definitely be touching.
    “This isn’t coming out right. Sorry.” His cheeks are all blushy again.
    “What are you trying to say?”
    Ugh. Did that sound pushy?
    “Um. Come back again. And you don’t have to bring Ellie.”
    “OK!” I say, trying not to sound too excited and most likely failing. I would like to grab him and kiss him at least on the cheek, but I haven’t practiced for a while and I want any kisses I give to be just right. Especially the first one.
    I smile my most practiced please-think-I’m-cute smile, pray I don’t have any raisin bits between my teeth, and turn away from him, stepping in the footprints Ellie left in the snow. When I get to the car, I look back and see Caleb doing the same thing in the prints his mom left. I stick out my tongue again and let a few of these magic snowflakes land on it.
    Ellie and I don’t talk on the way home. I’m not sure what happened tonight, but I don’t want this feeling to go away. I wonder if Ellie is having the same thought — that speaking will break this spell. We watch the snow come down on the windshield and stay in our own dreams.
    Just before we get to Ellie’s house, I glance over at her. She’s staring out the window, one hand resting on her flat stomach.
    Caleb’s mom seems like a smart woman. I hope she’s right. I hope we do all make it through the winter.

M Y MOTHER AND FATHER are downstairs watching TV. Luke is down the hall in his room, listening to the Dead with his girlfriend, Maya. I wonder if they have sex. Probably. I bet it’s the good kind — the loving, gentle kind. I can tell by the way they are together. When I watch Maya, I know she’s happy to be with him. When they’re together, they touch without even knowing it. Like their bodies are each other’s and their own at the same time. I wish I knew what that felt like.
    I pull up my shirt and touch my stomach where the baby is. I push down with my finger. I don’t think it can feel me, but I push again anyway.
    Hello? Is anybody there?
    Caleb’s mom touches him all the time. So much he doesn’t seem to notice. Her fingers thrum across his arm as she passes by, her hand rubs his back when she stands next to him, telling him she’s there without using words. It must feel good, being touched like that. I can’t remember the last time my mom or dad touched me.
    Liz seems like the kind of person who listens, too. Like she wants to hear what you have to say, instead of wanting you to say only what she wants to hear. I hardly know Liz, but there was this way she looked at me that made me feel as though she could see right inside me. I wish I could call her and talk to her about everything that’s happened. How the boys I was with made me feel so special at first. Like I was wanted. Me.
    You’re beautiful. I have to have you. You feel too good. I can’t stop.
    I wish I could tell her I know now how stupid I was. How I saw them all talking about me at the last party. How they tried to smell me on his hands and how I threw up behind the van, only nothing came out and it didn’t get rid of that nasty feeling.
    I wish I could call her and tell her how when I got home, I used a whole roll of that sticky lint-remover to get the dog hair off my clothes. How