Just Crazy by Andy Griffiths Read Free Book Online Page A

talking?’
    â€˜You’re going to listen,’ she says.
    â€˜Pardon?’ I say.

    â€˜I said “you’re going to listen,”’ says Jen in a louder voice.
    â€˜What?’ I say. ‘I can’t hear you. I think I’ve gone deaf.’
    â€˜Mum!’ says Jen.
    â€˜Andy,’ sighs Mum, ‘you’ve got a job to do. Just go and do it.’
    â€˜All right,’ I say, but I don’t move. I just keep standing near the phone.
    â€˜Andy,’ says Jen.
    â€˜Okay, okay!’ I say. ‘I’m going!’
    â€˜That’s not what I’m talking about,’ she says, holding the receiver towards me, ‘It’s for you.’
    â€˜For me?’ I say.
    â€˜Yes,’ says Jen. ‘Hard to believe isn’t it, but apparently someone wants to talk to you.’
    â€˜Who?’ I say. ‘Who is it?’
    â€˜Whom shall I say is calling?’ Jen says into
the phone.
    She smirks.
    â€˜It’s Lisa Mackney,’ she says.
    â€˜Lisa Mackney?’ I say. ‘Are you sure?’
    â€˜Do you want me to ask her if she’s sure she’s Lisa Mackney?’ she says.
    â€˜No!’ I say, grabbing the receiver.
    Lisa Mackney! Wow! She must have got my Valentine’s card. I slipped it into her bag this morning. I wonder how she guessed it was from me. Maybe the perfume on the envelope gave me away. Well, it wasn’t exactly perfume. I couldn’t find any, so I sprayed it with the pine-scented air freshener we use in the toilet. It went all over my clothes and I stunk of it all day. I guess she must have noticed.

    Jen is still standing beside the phone.
    â€˜Mum!’ I say. ‘Jen’s listening to my call!’
    â€˜As if I’d want to listen to one of your juvenile phone calls,’ she says, walking out of the room. ‘I’ve got a life.’
    â€˜Hello?’ I say.
    â€˜Hi, Andy — it’s Lisa,’ she says.
    â€˜Oh, um, er . . .’ I stutter, trying to think of something clever to say. ‘Hi!’
    â€˜I hope you don’t mind me calling you,’ she says.
    Is she kidding? It’s only the best thing that has ever happened in the history of the world. But I can’t say this. She might think I’m making fun of her. I have to act cool.
    â€˜No,’ I say.
    I can’t think of anything else to say. Which is funny because I’ve got so much tosay. I want to tell her how beautiful she is and how much I love her and how I wish she would be my girlfriend . . . but I can’t find the words.

    â€˜You’re not busy, are you?’ she says. ‘I can call back later if you’d like.’
    What do I say to this?
    If I say I’m not busy, she might think I’m some sort of loser with nothing better to do than just sit around the house. But if I say I am busy putting the bin out, she might think that I’m some sort of loser with nothing better to do than put the bin out.
    I know honesty is supposed to be the best policy but in this case I think that dishonesty is even better.
    â€˜No, I’m just taking a breather,’ I say. ‘I’ve been doing a bit of weight-training . . . those five hundred kilogram weights can be pretty tough.’
    â€˜You do weight-training?’ she says.
    â€˜Oh, a little,’ I say.
    â€˜A little?’ she says. ‘Five hundred kilograms is a lot!’
    â€˜Oh not really,’ I say. ‘That’s just a warm-up. It’s the thousand kilogram weights that are really hard.’
    I hear Lisa gasp.
    So far, so good. I think she’s suitably impressed.

    â€˜Andy,’ she says, ‘can you be serious for a moment?’
    â€˜Huh?’ I say. ‘I was being serious!’
    Dishonest, but serious.
    â€˜I need to talk to you,’ she says. ‘It’s important. I need to ask you a question. A serious question.’
    â€˜Okay,’ I say. ‘What is