Just Crazy by Andy Griffiths Read Free Book Online

brilliant, great, great, brilliant, good, great idea.

t’s Tuesday night.
    A very important night.
    And not just because it’s Valentine’s Day, either.
    It’s rubbish-bin night.
    And what’s so important about rubbish-bin night?
    Well, according to my mum and dad, the health of the entire neighbourhood depends on me remembering to put the rubbish-bin out.
    Because if I forget to put the bin out, the garbage men can’t empty the bin.
    And if the garbage men can’t empty the bin then we can’t fit any more rubbish into it.
    And if we can’t fit any more rubbish intothe bin then the rubbish will spill out over the top and onto the ground.
    And if there’s rubbish on the ground then the rats will come, and if the rats come, people will get sick, disease and pestilence will spread throughout the neighbourhood and everyone will die.

    And, the worst thing is that I will get the blame.
    That’s why rubbish-bin night is the most important night of the week: the fate of the neighbourhood is in my hands. Every man, woman and child is counting on me to remember to put the bin out.
    And I haven’t failed them yet.
    I never forget.
    Each week I tie a piece of white string around the little finger on my left hand to remind me.
    The trouble is tonight I’ve tied it a bit too tightly and it’s making my little finger throb. It’s so tight that I can’t get the knot undone. I’m going to have to cut it with a pair of scissors.
    I go downstairs to the kitchen.
    I pass Dad in the lounge room.
    â€˜Have you remembered what night this is?’ he says.

    â€˜Yes, Dad,’ I say.
    â€˜Have you put the bin out yet?’
    â€˜Not yet,’ I say.
    â€˜Well, don’t forget,’ he says. ‘I don’t want rubbish spilling out all over the ground. It will attract rats and . . .’
    â€˜I know, Dad,’ I sigh. ‘If the rats come people will get sick, disease and pestilence will spread throughout the neighbourhood and everyone will die.’
    â€˜You think it’s all a bit of a joke, do you?’ he says, leaning forward in his chair and pointing his finger at me. ‘Well, we’ll see how much of a joke it is when we’re up to our ankles in rubbish and rats and you’ve got bubonic plague and you’ve got boils all over your body, funny-boy! And we’ll all have a good laugh when bits of your lungs come flying out of your mouth and . . .’
    â€˜Okay, Dad!’ I say, ‘I get the picture! I’m going to put the bin out, all right?’
    â€˜Now?’ he says.
    â€˜In a minute,’ I say. ‘Right after I cut this string off my finger.’
    â€˜Don’t forget,’ he says.
    â€˜I won’t, Dad,’ I say. ‘I promise.’
    I swear my dad’s getting crazier by the day.
    I go into the kitchen, pull open the second drawer down and start rummaging for the scissors.

    Mum comes into the room.
    â€˜Have you put the bin out?’ she says.
    â€˜Not yet, Mum,’ I say. ‘I’m just about to.’
    â€˜Well, don’t forget,’ she says. ‘We don’t want . . .’
    â€˜Rats,’ I say.
    â€˜How did you know I was going to say that?’ she says.
    â€˜A lucky guess,’ I say.
    The phone rings.
    I go to pick it up.
    â€˜Don’t touch that!’ says Jen, pushing past me and beating me to the phone. ‘That’ll be Craig. Besides, shouldn’t you be putting the bin out? It stinks — I can smell it from my room.’
    â€˜I’m surprised you can smell anything above your own stink,’ I say. Jen makes a face and picks up the phone.
    I just keep standing there. She hates it when I listen in on her calls.
    Jen puts her hand over the mouthpiece.
    â€˜Mum,’ she says, ‘Andy’s listening to my call.’
    â€˜I am not!’ I say. ‘How can I be listening if you haven’t even started