Kiss Me Like You Mean It by Dr. David Clarke Read Free Book Online Page A

character qualities in him you admire. When he’s praised regularly, he’ll be a happier husband and inclined to be more helpful.”
    “She’s a Lousy Housekeeper!”
    Husband: “You would not believe how disorganized my wife is. She can’t seem to handle her responsibilities at home. Every evening, I come home to chaos. The house is a mess, the kids’ toys are everywhere, the kids’ homework isn’t done, and she’s running behind on dinner. I get angry, because I know the answer is self discipline and time management. I tell her that she has plenty of time to complete all her tasks. I mean, the kids are in school most of the day! If I had the time she has, the home would run efficiently.”
    Dave Clarke: “Sir, I don’t think you’d last a day if you changed roles with your wife. Do you have any idea what it’s like juggling all the household chores with the kids in your hair? You’d be begging for your mamma by the end of the first day. Even if you could be more efficient than she is, that’s not the point. She’s your wife, and she is a wonderful person with many great qualities. Stop crabbing about what she’s not doing and start complimenting her for what she is doing. You didn’t marry her because of her tremendous housekeeping and time management skills. You married her because you love her. Also, get off your duff and help her with the chores and the kids.”
    “He Drives Like a Maniac!”
    Wife: “My husband thinks he’s a race car driver on the road. He’s always in a terrible hurry. He drives too fast, he’s impatient, and he cuts in and out of traffic like a madman. He continually honks at other drivers and calls them names when they’re too slow to satisfy him or they impede his progress in any way. I’m glad we don’t have a Christian bumper sticker on our car. I’m always telling him to relax, to slow down, and to be more careful. Just about every car ride is ruined because of all the tension and conflict between us.”
    Dave Clarke: “You married a man, that’s your problem. Peppering him with warnings and criticizing his driving won’t change him. It will only damage your relationship. For him and most guys, every car ride is a NASCAR race. He’s in a competition to get where he’s going as quickly as possible. You could have married a man who is sweet, kind, nice, and drives like a ninety-nine-year-old woman. You didn’t do that. You married a regular guy.”
    Flaws, Quirks, Pet Peeves, and Other Assorted Imperfections
    He leaves his clothes on the floor. She has too many clothes but keeps buying more. He refuses to stop putting his socks and shirts into the laundry inside out. She talks on the phone too much. He stalls and stalls on doing home improvement projects. She won’t sit with me and watch television. All he does is sit on his keister all weekend watching sports on television. She spends way too much time cleaning the house. He smacks his lips when he’s eating. She clicks her teeth. He picks his nails. She cracks her knuckles. He wears old, worn out, food-stained clothes. She has the world’s biggest shoe collection. He belches and won’t say “excuse me.” She hogs the bathroom and uses up all the hot water. He won’t replace the toilet paper. She takes up ninety percent of our closet. He has bad breath. She’s always late. He leaves his whiskers in the sink after shaving.
    Do any of these complaints sound familiar? I could go on and on and on. Living with a member of the opposite sex brings out all kinds of annoying behaviors. It is easy—very easy—to begin focusing on your partner’s negative qualities. If the pattern continues, your view of your spouse becomes all or mostly negative.
    It’s not the annoying behaviors themselves that cause the damage to the marriage. Most of them are not that big a deal. It’s your focus on these behaviors that causes the damage. The positives are eliminated and you are left with only the negatives. Your love cannot