night nerves.'
'Indeed he does.'
Amy put her arms round her slim waist, hugged herself, 'Gus,
I feel strange talking about this, but Caroline said some stuff when she, well
after the birth, I think she was still under the drugs, but ...'
I pushed down some of the sheets and edged myself up. I
could see Amy's distress, so motioned her closer. 'Look, if there's something I
need to know, you better just spit it out.'
Amy started to cry. She was a tough girl and this came
out of the blue. I'd never seen her like this before. 'Hey, what's the matter?'
She put her hand to her mouth, 'Caroline says ... he's
the father.'
I slumped, felt the air sucked out of my lungs like a
punch to the gut. ' What ?'
I looked at Amy and saw the emotional dam burst. 'She
says he raped her. She was coming home late, just nights on the town with Craig
... Urquhart hated him because he was gay, called him deviant, an affront to
God. He said she had lost her way and he needed to set her on the right path
... Gus, Caroline ran away because she hates the sight of her father and who on
Earth could blame her?' She put her face in her hands and sobbed harder, 'Gus,
it's too sad for words ... just too sad for words.'
I couldn't listen to any more. I felt a burn in the pit
of my stomach that I knew as anger. It was at the kindling stage just now, the
worst kind. I had known anger all my life and could tell this kind, the
controlled variety, was far more powerful than the volcanic eruptions. I was
ready to flay Urquhart alive.
'Give me my phone over,' I said.
'You can't use a phone in hospital.'
'Fuck it. Give me it.'
She passed me the mobi, it smelled of fags, Silkies.
I dialled Urquhart's number and he answered on the
second or third ring. My voice was firm, the tone as dulled as my emotion. 'Hello,
Minister, this is Gus Dury.'
'Oh, hello … I was hoping to hear from you.' He managed
to make it sound like a pleasant enough social call. Like I was about to offer
to drop off some cakes for a fete. 'Have you uncovered anything?'
My tone sharpened, 'You better believe it.'
'Well, that's wonderful news.'
'Is it?'
'Well, yes, I-I ...' Some of the pulpit-confidence
subsided.
'I've found your daughter, Minister ...' the last word
stung as it passed my lips, felt I needed to spit it out. 'But I've ran into a
few extra expenses along the way.'
He played dumb, milking a reverence he had no
entitlement to. 'I don't understand.'
I ramped it up, my volume, my aggression, the lot. 'Understand
this, my good and godly man, the price is now two-thousand in
cash by this afternoon.'
' What ?'
'You heard, Minister ... You ever want to hear
that Right Reverend bit upfront then you better be where I first met you at
five in the p.m. And bring cash, I don't take cheques, not from the likes of
you.'
I killed the line.
* * * *
I'd never had a good experience in a hospital, didn't
think I ever would. I knew I wasn't alone in that regard. But something stabbed
at me this time, this one time that I was able to be around for the birth of a
child had wounded me more than I could say.
When Debs lost our baby, I knew that was it. They told
her we wouldn't get another chance. And we never did. I don't mean to bring
life into this world: we had no chances left after that. The child was our last
one.
It killed me to think about those days, so I didn't.
There were times when I couldn't look away, though, and
that's where the alcohol came in. I wasn't drinking to forget, I was drinking
to obliterate.
When people ask me why I drink so much, I know the
answer: because oblivion is the only place I feel comfortable.
I tugged my beanie hat over the head bandage and turned
into the shop on the corner of Easter Road and London Road. I ordered up a
packet of Marlboro. On auto-pilot, the girl reached for Lights.
'No, give me the red-tops,' I said.
I was back on the lung-bleeders and I knew they'd be
skating on the River Styx before I attended any fucking hypertension