Laugh Lines: Conversations With Comedians by Corey Andrew, Kathleen Madigan, Jimmy Valentine, Kevin Duncan, Joe Anders, Dave Kirk Read Free Book Online Page B

lot of the comics I really, truly like, but I know they do really crazy shit, I don’t go out with them after the shows. I politely decline. I’ll just stay at the club and have a beer with the disgruntled waitresses. I don’t need to be getting in a limo with Mitch Hedberg going God knows where. I’m too much of a goody two shoes about the drugs.
     
    Corey: How are things on the road these days?
     
    Kathleen: Great. I did an Indian casino in Palm Springs this weekend. They’re the best. They pay you an insane amount of money, and they don’t even make you do radio. They’re fuckin’ awesome.
     
    Corey: How are the crowds?
     
    Kathleen: Great. I don’t know how they do it, but they do it. They put up billboards all over town. If I had to put up a billboard in L.A.? Oh my God, I have no idea what it would cost. A million fuckin’ dollars? I’m always shocked they pay me. They do so much advertising for me for free. I wouldn’t say that to them. It’s a sweet gig.
     
    Corey: I really enjoyed your last show. You’ve always been real, but you’re to this point now where you’re letting it all out there. You talk about the smoking, the drinking, the eating poorly. Who cares?
     
    Kathleen: I don’t care. (laughs) I do not care.
     
    Corey: When you are on the road with your opener, Jason Dudey, are you literally on the road together, spending a lot of time together in a car?
     
    Kathleen: Oh my God, yeah. I’m in this gray area where I’m making more money and doing better than clubs, but I’m also not making enough and cannot rationalize a tour bus. It’s six grand a week. I used to have a different opening act. But we have 23 hours a day off that we’re either traveling or together, and the way we move so quickly, it’s bam, bam, bam. It’s not like a club where you’re there all weekend. It’s go, go, go. Some weekends are easier than others. The last opening act, albeit it a funny guy, we did not get along travel-wise. I have a blast with Jason. The road to me is still fun so I want to be on the road with someone who enjoys being on the road. Even if we’re in a shithole, let’s have fun. Jason is capable of having fun anywhere. He’s always up for fun.
     
    Corey: Essentially, you’re living with a gay man.
     
    Kathleen: Mmhmm. We’ve got this couple runs that are crazy, and I’m looking into a tour bus for some of it. It would be so much less stressful. This past winter, I said to my agents and managers, ‘We can’t do this again. We’ve lost our sense of humor. We’re stressed out just getting from Point A to Point B.’ It took us 27 hours to get to D.C. because of a snow storm. All you are is stressed out, thinking, ‘Can I get there?’ By the time I get to the stage, I’m so tired and stressed out. I care about the show, but all I am is pissed. That’s not funny. I would happily go out there and sign shit, like Lewis Black and Ron White do, if I had an hour to spare. If I go out there I’m gonna get stuck for an hour, an hour and a half, which is fine if I had an extra hour and a half. I don’t if I have to get up at 5 o’clock to catch a flight, to catch another flight to drive an hour to the venue. If a tour bus is sitting out back, I can get offstage, say ‘Hi’ to people, sign shit and get on the bus and go to sleep. It’s perfect.
     
    Corey: I would imagine there’s a lot of comedy to be had on the road. If there was a camera in the car, what kind of show would that be?
     
    Kathleen: It would be a great reality show. There’s a lot of weird-ass shit people in this country don’t see. Last week we were in Detroit, and I rented a car and did a tour of the worst neighborhood in Detroit. It’s unbelievable. I’ve seen some of it, but he hadn’t. I said, ‘You’ve got to see this shit.’ And I’ve seen downtown Cleveland. I’ve seen downtown St. Louis. I’ve seen the worst of the worst, but this takes it to a whole ’nother level. Fucked up. We had a