Loud is How I Love You by Mercy Brown Read Free Book Online Page A

get a condom,” he said, his voice low and raspy.
    “It’s all right, I’m on the pill.”
    That was me being stupid and horny and carried away, but I have to be honest and say I meant it. I would have let him fuck me bare. I’d already come on his fingers, his tongue and all I wanted was to see his face when he came inside of me. And it wasn’t fair, either. He went still and groaned into my neck, swearing as he fought with himself. I wrapped my hand around him and guided him between my legs and brushed the tip of him against me to get it wet and I could see him agonizing over it but he finally said, “No, come on, let’s take care of each other.” I don’t know how he was able to be so levelheaded, because I sure wasn’t, but it’s very much like him to be the careful one. To be sensible when I cannot. It’s like his job or something.
    He reached down to the floor and pulled his wallet out of his jeans. There was a Trojan in there. With spermicide. And I still try not to think about why, or who he intended it for, whether that might be Millie or any other girl in this town who wants him who isn’t me. I took it out of his hand and opened it with my teeth and with one hand rolled it down his cock, and as he leaned his head down to kiss me again and I felt his hair tickle my face, I was both terrified and elated because I had wondered about this very moment for a long, long time. And I worried,
What if it sucks? What if it’s not all that I imagined it would be? What if I’m not all he thinks I am?
I thought about how he looks at me when I’m singing when I sometimes glance over at him on stage—the look. The one he gave me just tonight before the end of our set. He stares at me, his mouth open, tongue between his teeth, sweat in his eyes and on his hands as they glide over the guitar strings and now those hands have been all over me, those beautiful hands just last weekend were nudging my legs apart so he could position himself in between them.
    “Emmy,” he said, his voice hoarse because it was so late and things were so intense. The sound of my name when he said it then lodged itself in the happiest part of my mind and decided to settle down for good and it’s still there, vivid as it was a week ago. He slid his length over me where I was so, so wet and kissed this spot I never noticed before just under and behind my ear as I raked my nails over his back, urging him to keep going. “Are you ready?” he whispered.
    “Yeah,” I said, but my voice cracked because I was near giddy with the feel of his cock against me. “So ready.”
    He took a breath, locked his eyes on mine and slid slowly into me, this very sweet and total occupation. Then he covered my mouth with a deep, heartfelt kiss.
    And it wasn’t everything I ever fantasized about with him. It wasn’t my dream come true.
    It was so much better than that.
    It was a warm fire branding its light onto a cold darkness. It was an experience, is what I’m saying. I’m no virgin, I’vehad sex before but somehow the feel of Travis inside of me was something I’ve never felt, something I never knew I could feel. I never knew anything could feel so good in so many ways at once.
    We both made this sound together, somewhere between breathing and groaning, and then I said his name and he kissed me again, hard, and pushed again until he was finally all the way in. I shook with the feeling of it, there was so much feeling there and he tried so hard to be careful, to not move too fast or push too hard so he wouldn’t hurt me but I didn’t care if he hurt me, I just wanted him to move. I wanted him to lose it with me. I wanted him to fuck me, and I asked him—no, he’s right—I begged him.
    “God, Travis, fuck me. Please, please fuck me,” I said and bit down on his shoulder and sucked a mark into it, digging my nails in his back. And then he did because I moved my hips and he couldn’t help it. He tried to go slow at first but as I moved beneath