Love Creeps by Amanda Filipacchi Read Free Book Online Page A

tears.
    â€œCan I ask you a question?” Charlie finally said.
    Lynn nodded.
    â€œDo you think I suck, or do you think you suck?”
    â€œI think it’s probably me,” she said.
    â€œWhat do you mean it’s probably you? I won an American Prix de Rome, a Guggenheim, an NEA, and an NYFA. I’m at the forefront of academic interest. Doesn’t that speak for my work?”
    Patricia laughed softly. Lynn frowned with alarm at the lack of tact.
    â€œDid you take a look at your stalker today, Lynn?” Patricia said, pointing to the window.
    Lynn looked at her stalker. “Why is he dressed that way?”
    â€œWho knows,” Patricia said. “Maybe he watched that nature show last night on birds and decided to dress colorfully to attract your attention.”
    Charlie packed up his art and left without saying anything.
    Roland dropped quarters into the hand of the homeless man, who looked into his eyes, and whispered, “You’re being followed.”
    When Lynn gave him change ten seconds later, the homeless man said to her, “You’re on a downward spiral of self-destruction. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”
    And after Lynn, he said to Alan, “Take a class, a vacation, a multi-vitamin. Take your mind off romance, take control of your life and your future.” Alan stared back at Ray, who was screaming, “Go and see a movie, take a self-improvement class. You’re better than them!”
    At a small café near the gym, before their scheduled game of racquetball, Alan told Roland that his color theory hadn’t worked. Roland was pleased, and said, “That’s terrible.”
    Alan was silent, looking down at the table morosely.
    To be nice, Roland tried to change the topic. “So, what did you do last night? Did you go out?”
    â€œI walked down the stairs of my building, making sure the stairwell doors were closed on every floor.”
    â€œWhy?”
    â€œIn case there’s a fire. It’s really important for the stairwell doors to be closed. It prevents the fire from spreading too quickly. I check the doors every day.”
    â€œDoesn’t it take time away from your stalking?”
    â€œIt only takes about four minutes.”
    â€œDid you do anything else last night?”
    â€œNo. I tried to understand why my color theory didn’t work.” Alan looked disillusioned. “I really thought it was the key. I mean, it made so much sense. Look at us. Color was the only difference between us. Now that we’re both colorful, we could be twins. Well, no, I’m exaggerating, but you know what I mean. We’re both fine-looking guys, relatively charismatic, intelligent, pretty well educated, somewhat athletic.”
    Roland could no longer be polite.
    â€œWhere did you go to college, Alan?” he asked.
    â€œPutnam.”
    â€œI went to Harvard.”
    â€œSame difference,” Alan said, nodding. “Both good colleges. Don’t tell me you’re going to quibble over which is better?”
    â€œWho always beats whom in our games of racquetball?”
    â€œI think we’re pretty well matched. So far, you may have beaten me more often. I don’t really keep track of these things.”
    â€œWhich one of us is a lawyer, and which one an accountant, not even a CPA?”
    â€œYou know the answer to that.”
    â€œWho is six-three, 190 pounds, muscular, with a full head of hair? And who is five-seven, 190 pounds, not muscular, and bald?”
    In a small voice, Alan said, “Well, who has blond hair and blue eyes?”
    â€œExcuse me?”
    â€œWell, who has blond hair and blue eyes?”
    Roland stared at Alan for a few long seconds, then said, “You are a short, fat, balding man with blue eyes and a few patches of yellow fuzz. You’re like Danny DeVito with blond hair and blue eyes.”
    â€œBut you don’t have them at