Mad Professor by Rudy Rucker Read Free Book Online

Mohawk.
    â€œYour victory remains in the future, if it comes at all,” said Una after a long, thoughtful pause. “I’ll drink the lees of the day.” Reaching around their piney bower, Bev stuffed her scattered garments into her large purse, which was the twin of daughter Hilda’s burglar-bag. She rose to her pale feet, balanced unsteadily-and leapt out from the tree, taking Jory’s heart with her.
    But she didn’t plummet to the ground. Using the Queen’s own dimension-twisting method of flight, Bev/Una hovered, nude and regal, her flowing horsetail gracefully beating. “I’ll bed another man by nightfall,” said Una’s voice. And then Bev’s voice chimed in, “How about finding a surfer?”
    Luminous in the redwood shadows, talking things over with herself, the nude middle-aged woman disappeared, flying along a graceful curving path through the trees, carrying her purse under her arm.
    â€œWhat if Una never lets her go?” fretted Jory. “I—I care for Bev. I want her to be safe.”
    â€œUna is willful and sensual,” said Ira. “She may wish to tarry in your land indefinitely, now that her reign nears its end. Butthe massed power of the alvar clan is greater than hers. We can draw her back into the subdimensions, provided you transport Bev to a spot where the world walls are thin. I, King Ira, will tell you of such a place.”
    â€œI suppose the quantum foam is pretty thin in my office, no?” said Jory. “That’s where you two popped through.”
    â€œAh, that was a portal of limited temporal duration,” said Ira. “A fleeting attenuation produced by your talismanic summoner.”
    â€œYou’re saying that whenever someone turns on one of my antigravity machines in the future, a bunch of elves will pop up?” asked Jory.
    â€œIt is so,” said Ira. “May you produce many upon many of such doors for us.”
    â€œUh-huh,” said Jory, not so sure this was a good idea. “And that more permanent portal you’re talking about is—oh, I get it—the magic mushroom circle at Gunnar’s farm!”
    â€œVerily,” said Ira. “We can fly there with your Bev, once Una dozes off again.”
    â€œFirst I need to find them,” said Jory. “Can you, like, automatically track Una down?”
    â€œNot presently,” said Ira. “I, the King, experience your high-plane space as disorienting. These pawky three dimensions of yours—can you point out which is the direction you call ‘width’?”
    +   +   +
    There was no sign of Bev at Jory’s office, but Hilda was there, both upset and scientifically excited.
    â€œYou really invented antigravity, Sorenson! Don’t forget to back up the settings on that gizmo of yours right away. I canhelp you, if you like. Oh, and where’s my mother? Don’t tell me that you two—”
    â€œBev’s a wonderful woman,” said Jory. “She said she’s unattached? I want to know her better.”
    â€œHow gross,” said Hilda. “But I suppose she could do worse. Tell me where she is.”
    â€œShe vowed to tup another man by nightfall,” piped Ira, who was again perched upon Jory’s shoulder. “She rampages even now.”
    â€œOh God. Your elves did that to my poor mom, Sorenson?”
    â€œShe didn’t seem to mind the idea so much,” said Jory. “I heard her say something about surfers.”
    â€œFour Mile Beach,” exclaimed Hilda. “I took her there yesterday. A few miles north of here on Route One. Mom was really into those boys. Oh, I hope they’re not all laughing at her.”
    â€œWhy would they?” said Jory. “She’s hot.”
    â€œOh you disgusting—” Hilda caught herself and switched on a smile. “I’m going to write a big paper rehabilitating your work, Jory. Give me that