“I’ve already been given a promotion.”
She sounded defensive.
“Do you want me to drop you at the Hideaway?” Lucia asked.
He’d rather go anywhere but there. “No, thanks. Even when I take a shower there I feel dirtier. I’ll head back to the office.” Which was where he had taken a number of showers. Their onsite gym facilities were clean and free of pests—unlike the bathroom at the motel.
Lucia pulled into traffic. “That’s where I’m headed. I have paperwork to do.”
“How’d you get stuck with that job?”
“I wasn’t stuck with it. Benjamin wanted me to handle that part of the job.”
The administrative part? Benjamin had mentioned to him that Lucia was in charge of filing reports and documents for the team. Why would Benjamin waste a good field agent’s time with that? “You can pass the torch to me, I guess, when this is over.”
The idea seemed to cheer her up a little. “The time will be over before you know it. Then you can be with your son.”
Which was exactly what he didn’t want. For the time to pass and Adrian to grow while Cash never had the opportunity to have a relationship with him. It was a small measure of comfort that Lucia hadn’t forgotten about Adrian. “The four years in prison went by at a crawl.”
Prison had robbed him of time with his son, but it had also been difficult, challenging and stressful to constantly watch his back, be on guard and anticipate someone trying to harm or kill him. Six men had died on his cell block while he had been incarcerated. Cash considered himself lucky that he’d survived relatively untouched. At least physically. Thinking about his cell and the rules and restrictions and food made him sick to his stomach. Jail was emotionally and psychologically draining. It was no wonder some repeat offenders were hardened beyond reach.
The car felt cramped, and a rush of frustration and anxiety bubbled up in him. He needed space and air. “I’ve changed my mind. Drop me off here.”
Lucia looked at him, her brows knit together. “Here? In the middle of the street?” She stopped for a red light and he climbed out of the car. “See you, Luc.” He shut the door behind him. He needed to walk and breathe fresh air.
So little stood between him and that cage. Disgust and anxiety clawed at him. Prison. He could go back if he made a mistake. The FBI would only keep him out as long as they could use him to bring in Clifton Anderson. What if Cash couldn’t lead them to him? What if something went wrong and Clifton Anderson was picked up by another agency? Would the FBI return him to jail? He could lose his chance of a reunion with his son.
Lucia called after him and he ignored her. Embarrassed about his behavior and unwilling to explain it, he stuck his hands in his pockets and kept his head down. He didn’t want to risk being recognized again by anyone from his former life. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. He wanted to disappear, but with the GPS tracker monitoring him, he couldn’t do that. He was trapped in the confines of the city under the careful watch of the FBI. It was hard to feel truly free. He was still imprisoned, just in a different way.
The pounding of footsteps and Lucia calling his name had him glancing over his shoulder. The persistent woman didn’t know when to give up. She caught up to him, out of breath. Strands of her brown hair had broken free of the ponytail she had it tied in. He had the urge to pull the elastic from it and let it loose around her face. He kept his hands pressed to his sides.
“I need space,” he said, feeling a combination of weak and whiny. He hated weak and whiny.
Concern touched her face. “Tell me what that was about because normal people don’t jump out of a car,” she said.
“I didn’t jump out of the car. I stepped out,” Cash said.
“Going from being locked in a cell to walking around on the street is a big change. But it’s a good change.”
He realized she knew where