Major Karnage by Gord Zajac Read Free Book Online Page B

said.
    “It’s, ah . . . your medical records. Which I suppose is your ‘file.’”
    “It say anything in there about how many shrinks I put in the
hospital?“
    Huang jerked back as if he’d been slapped. He stared at Karnage
with wide, hurt eyes, then swallowed. He cleared his throat, and
opened the binder. “So, ah . . . let’s get this party started, shall we?
Ha!”
    “Ha,” Karnage said.
    Huang quickly looked away from Karnage and buried his face in
his binder. “It says here you’ve spent a lot of time incarcer—ah
. . . impris—ah . . . rather, I mean . . . you’ve, ah, spent quite a bit of
time under psychiatric—yes! Psychiatric care. Ever since the W—”
Huang stopped himself. His face went white.
    Karnage felt the blood race to his ears. “Ever since what, Huang?”
    The guards reached for their stun sticks. Huang swallowed hard.
“Ah . . .”
    Karnage strained at his bonds. “Ever since what?!”
    Huang’s eyes darted around the room. “Ever since—ah . . .
hostilities! Hostilities!” Huang grabbed at the word like a drowning
man going for a life preserver. “Ever since the hostilities ended. Ha!
World peace and all . . .”
    “World peace.” Karnage resisted the urge to spit. “Don’t talk to
me about World Peace.”
    “You, ah . . . weren’t happy about that?”
    “Not like it did me any good.”
    “You would have preferred that the W—hostilities! Hostilities!”
Huang repeated the word as if it were a talisman to ward off evil
spirits. “You would have preferred that hostilities had continued?”
    Karnage wrenched forward. “I would’ve preferred not being
locked up like some kinda goddamn animal!”
    “AH!” Huang jerked back. His pen flew out of his fingers and
went flying across the room. He grinned sheepishly. “Ha! Yes! I can
see why you’d feel that way.” Huang pulled another pen from his
pocket and clicked it open. “Ah! But, ah . . . you know it wasn’t, ah
. . . malicious. You were—rather, you are, ah . . . not exactly ‘well.’”
    “You saying I’m nuts?”
    “I wouldn’t put it quite like—”
    “I’m not crazy!” Karnage barked.
    Huang shrank back. “Well, ah . . . what about the, ah . . . hospital?”
    “What about it?!”
    “You don’t think that, ah . . . blowing it up—”
    “Is that what this is about?”
    Huang looked at the two-way mirror as if trying to get guidance.
He looked back at Karnage. “Well, ah . . . yes.”
    Karnage leaned in and growled. “Get this straight, Chuckles. I
didn’t blow up a goddamn thing.”
    “No?”
    “NO!”
    Huang squealed, then tried to laugh it off. “Ha! Is this where
the—ah . . . ‘aliens’ come into play?”
    Karnage grit his teeth. “You best lose that patronizing tone, Doc,
before I tear it outta your throat and shove it up your—”
    Karnage’s neck buzzed. “Warning. Sanity Level upgraded to
Citrus Blast. Please refrain from violent behaviour. Thank you.”
    “You should, ah . . . watch that temper, Major. We wouldn’t want
you to, ah . . .”
    “Lose my head?”
    “Ah. You’ve, ah . . . heard that one before? I should probably, ah . . .
stick with my day job, then, eh? Ha!”
    “Ha,” Karnage said.
    Huang shrank back behind his binder. He cleared his throat.
“So, ah . . . is it your contention that these, ah, ‘aliens’ blew up the
hospital?”
    “It is my contention that you are a royal pain in the ass.”
    “Ah!”
    “It is also my contention that aliens are gettin’ ready to invade
this here dirtball, and you kitty cops need to get the hell outta my
way so I can find my troops and we can do our job!”
    “So, ah, it is also your, ah . . . contention that your fellow inma—
ah, patients are alive?”
    Karnage leaned forward, his voice a low growl. “Lemme tell you
something, Doc. I may not have all your fancy degrees or a big thick
binder to hide behind, but I can tell you this: you do not declare your
buddies dead until