Man From the USSR & Other Plays by Vladimir Nabokov Read Free Book Online

Ivanovich, may I use your phone?
    Â 
    OSHIVENSKI
    To your heart’s content.
(Marianna crosses to the door on the right, near which the telephone is located.)
    Â 
    FYODOR FYODOROVICH
    I guess nobody wants to say hello to me.
    Â 
    MARIANNA
    Oh, excuse me, Fyodor Fyodorovich. By the way, show me what I have to do to call out from here.
    Â 
    FYODOR FYODOROVICH
    First you have to press the nipple—here, this little red button.
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
(to Taubendorf)

Kolya, that’s what I call a real looker. Or else, as they also say, a classy broad,
(laughs)
An actress, is she?
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    Yes, she and I are working together in a film. Only, I play the crowd and get ten marks, and she plays the Other Woman and gets fifty.
    Â 
    MARIANNA
(into the phone)

Bitte, drei und dreissig, eins null.
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    Of course that isn’t the lead?
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    No, the Other Woman always makes less than the heroine.
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    Last name?
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    Tal’. Marianna Sergeyevna Tal’.
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    It’s convenient that she lives in the same boardinghouse. She can take me there.
    Â 
    MARIANNA
(into the telephone)

Bitte,
Fraulein Rubansky. Oh, it’s you, Lyulya. I didn’t recognize your voice.
    Â 
    FYODOR FYODOROVICH
    I guess we can turn on the rest of the lights, Victor Ivanovich. Soon it’ll be ten o’clock.
    Â 
    OSHIVENSKI
    If you want....I have a feeling nobody will come tonight.
(Fyodor Fyodorovich turns on the remaining lights.)
    Â 
    MARIANNA
(into the phone)

Nonsense. Where did you hear that? We finish shooting in a week—they’re in a terrible rush. Yes.
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    Alyosha, forgive me if I ask: aren’t you the least bit anxious to see your wife?
    Â 
    MARIANNA
    (into the phone)

Oh, he’s such a pest.... What did you say? No, of course not.
I can’t tell you now—I’m not alone here. Ask a question, and I’ll answer. Oh, you’re so silly—of course not. Yes, he usually drives himself, but not today. What did you say?
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    Actually, what do you care whether I'm anxious or not? Is she married?
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    Who?
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    This one here....
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    Oh, this one.... Yes, I think so. She lives alone, though.
    Â 
    MARIANNA
(into the phone)

What a rotten thing! Did he really say that?
(laughs)
What? You have to hang up? Who’s keeping you from talking at your end? Oh, I see, I see...
(with a lilt)Auf wiederse-e-ehn.
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
(to Marianna)

You didn’t talk very much. I thought it would take longer.
    Â 
    OSHIVENSKI
(to Marianna)

That’ll be twenty pfennigs. Thank you. First cash that’s come in today.
    Â 
    MARIANNA
(to Kuznetsoff)

And why did you think it would take longer?
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    Can I buy you a drink?
    Â 
    MARIANNA
    What do you take me for, a bar girl?
    Â 
    FYODOR FYODOROVICH
    Bar the bar girls.
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    If you don’t want to you don’t have to.
(to Taubendorf)
So I’ll see you tomorrow, Kolya. Don’t be late.
    Â 
    MARIANNA
(to Kuznetsoff)

Wait—let’s sit down over there. I guess I can spare a minute.
    Â 
    FYODOR FYODOROVICH
    The huge hall was inadequate for the enormous crowd.
    Â 
    OSHIVENSKI
    You know what, Fyodor Fyodorovich, be a good chap and turn off the big lamps, would you? It’s just an added expense.
(He sits in a wicker chair by the bar and listlessly leafs through a newspaper. Then he grows pensive and yawns a couple of times.)
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
(approaching the table, situated downstage, where Marianna and Kuznetsoff are seated)

What is your pleasure? Some wine? A liqueur?
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    I don’t care. Make it a cherrya brandy.
    Â 
    MARIANNA
    How odd: Olga Pavlovna never told me anything about you.
    KUZNETSOFF
    Good for her. Are you free tomorrow night?
    Â 
    MARIANNA
    Do you really care to know?
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    In that case