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supportive as you are?”
    “He only has his mom and has never seen his dad. She’s a hard worker and loves him a lot, but you know
    how tough single parenting can be. I can’t even imagine it myself.”
    “Do you think Benji will go away encouraged?”
    “That’s what we’re hoping.” I thought of Benji sitting there with a distant look I’d seen so many times. “But
    I guess we’d have to say it hasn’t worked for him yet, although it works for most of the other kids. We have
    one of the most successful children’s ministries in the city.”
    “Is it your point that Sherri’s feelings of accomplishment are worth Benji’s shame?”
    I tried to answer his question, but couldn’t think of anything to say that didn’t sound incredibly stupid.
    “Did you go to Sunday school, Jake, when you were young?”
    “I did. My parents literally raised us at church. I even won a Bible for memorizing 153 Bible verses in one
    three-month contest.”
    John’s eyes popped open. “Really? And what drove you to that?”
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    “The winner got a brand new Bible.”
    “And I suppose you probably didn’t even need one.”
    I paused a moment, remembering that my parents had bought me a Bible shortly before that. I cocked my
    head and squinted my eyes at him bewilderedly as if to say, how did you know?
    “The ones who usually win don’t need the prize.”
    “I did have another Bible, but this was special. I won it.”
    “A hundred and fifty three? That’s a lot of verses.”
    “Memorizing has always come easy for me. I just read a verse over a couple of times and I’ve got it. It really
    wasn’t hard. Most verses I memorized in the morning before church.”
    “How many verses did the second place person memorize?”
    “About 35 if I remember right. I really blew them away.”
    “And you’re thinking all of this is a healthy demonstration of spiritual fervor?”
    Well, now that you question it..., I thought, but remained silent.
    “What else did you win?”
    “When I was around 10, I received a gold-plated pin for two years of consecutive Sunday school attendance.
    The pastor gave it to me one Sunday morning in front of the whole church. You should have heard the
    applause. I will never forget how special I felt.”
    “It gave you something to live for, didn’t it?”
    “What do you mean?”
    “Isn’t that what you’ve been seeking ever since, that feeling of being special?”
    It was as if a veil had just been lifted off my eyes. Most of my decisions had been made craving the
    recognition and honor of other people. I loved people’s approval and often fantasized about it. If the truth
    be told, that was probably the strongest draw in leaving my real estate job and taking a position in ministry,
    where I could be up front, well-known and appreciated. “Did that one moment cause all of that?”
    “Of course not. It was a lot of moments like that, exposing and nourishing a desire you already had way
    down here.” He pointed to my chest. “Who doesn’t want to be liked and appreciated? It’s an easy thing to
    use when you’re trying to motivate people to do good things. The larger question is, did all that
    memorization and attendance help you know Father better?”
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    “What’s easier for you to do, pursue relationship with the Father or your own sense of personal success?
    That’s the real test. It seems to me you wouldn’t be so desperate if it had really taught you how to know
    Father’s love. Instead, you’re so busy seeking everyone’s approval, you don’t realize you already have his.”
    “What do you mean? How could I have his approval when I’m still struggling so?”
    “Because you are struggling for the wrong thing. You think that you can earn Father’s approval. We’re
    approved not by anything we can do, but by what he did for us on the cross. Honestly, Jake, there’s not