Mid Life Love by Whitney Gracia Williams Read Free Book Online

this today...
    I rushed over to
the grocery store and made my way to the magazine section. I figured I would
buy yet another set of magazines to show my associates the difference
between good advertisements and bad advertisements.
    I picked up InStyle , Vogue , Us Weekly , and stilled once I caught a magazine with
“Divorce Edition” scrawled across its cover.
    I picked it up
and flipped through the pages, shaking my head at the stupid advice the
so-called “experienced divorcées” were giving: “Forgive him and let it go!
That’s the easy part!” “Try to schedule time for yourself to cry in private!”
“Travel alone and see the world as soon as the ink on the papers dries!”
    Any woman who
was cheated on and says her self-esteem wasn’t crushed is a goddamn liar...
    I stopped
reading the “How I Kept My Esteem Intact After the Affair” article and
sauntered down the spices aisle.
    Pepper...Bay
leaves...Parsley...Paprika...Paprika? Ryan’s favorite...
    I picked up the
paprika and froze. I was supposed to brush the thought of him away as soon as
he entered my mind. I was supposed to say, “The collapse of my marriage was not
my fault,” take a deep breath, and move on to doing something else.
    That didn’t work
today.
    I felt a soft
lump rise up my throat and choked back a sob. I closed my eyes and tried to
think of a happy memory, but only the worst one came...
    ––––––––
    I was trembling,
shaking so violently I wasn’t sure how I was standing up straight. I was in my
kitchen, staring at Ryan, watching him pick up the incriminating photos off the
floor.
    “Claire...” He
picked up the last one and sighed. “Can we please talk about this?”
    “About what?” I
hissed.
    “About what
you...about me having an affair.”
    “Oh yes! My
husband fucking my best friend! For over a year ! Let’s discuss that,
shall we?”
    “You don’t have
to be so loud, Claire. I’m trying to—”
    “I can be as
loud as I want! You’re having an affair with Amanda ! She was my maid of
honor for Christ’s sake! I don’t even know where to start, Ryan! How could
you?”
    “Our daughters
are upstairs. We—”
    “Our daughters?
Our daughters ! Don’t try to act like you suddenly give a damn about this
family! You weren’t thinking about any of us when your dick was buried in—”
    “Enough!” He
began to cry and walked over to me. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry...I messed up and—”
    “You messed
up ?” I felt my heart constrict.
    “Yes...I messed up
and I’m—”
    “Ryan...” I put my
hand over my chest to prevent my heart from jumping out. “Messing up is picking
the girls up late from school. Messing up is leaving the chicken in the oven
for too long. Messing up is forgetting our anniversary—which is in two weeks,
by the way. Cheating on me? Sleeping with my best friend? That’s fucked up .
And it’s unforgivable. How long has it really been going on?”
    He sighed and I
slowly backed away from our cutlery set.
    “Hello? Ryan!
How long has it been going on?”
    “Claire, listen
to me—”
    “Tell me! Tell
me right now!” I looked away from his eyes because deep down I didn’t really
want to know.
    “I’ve always had
feelings for Amanda...”
    My heart gave
out and crumbled inside my chest. My knees buckled and my body slumped down to
the floor.
    He continued, “I
had feelings for her but I never acted on them because...” He sat down on the
floor. “Because I was in love with you. I never intended to act on those
feelings, but last January we were both drinking and one thing led to another
and—”
    “And you had
sex?”
    “Yes...And I—”
    “Where?”
    “Where, what ?”
    I took a deep
breath. “ Where did you have sex that time? Where was this happening?”
    He avoided my
eyes. “Here...You were out of town at that Parker Brothers conference...And I know
that I should’ve stopped that day. I should’ve told you, but I couldn’t. I
honestly didn’t know