Mind of My Mind by Octavia E. Butler Read Free Book Online

Doro didn't tell me about Vivian until about two hours
    ago."
     
    There was a long pause. Then, "I see. How did you feel about marrying me before
    you found out about Vivian?"
     
    "My grandmother married Doro," I said. "And, of course, my mother married him.
    I've expected to marry him myself ever since I was old enough to know what was going
    on. I wanted to. I loved him."
     
    "Past tense?"
     
    I almost didn't answer. I realized that I was ashamed. "No."
     
    "Not even after he decides to marry you off to a stranger?"
     
    "I've loved him for years. I guess it takes me a while to turn my emotions around."
     
    "You probably never will. I've met several of his people since my transition. He uses
    me to keep them in line without killing them. And he's done terrible things to some of
    them. But I've never met one who hates him. Those who don't kill themselves by
    attacking him as soon as he acts against them always seem to forgive him."
     
    Somehow that didn't surprise me. "Do you hate him?"
     
    "No."
     
    "In spite of . . . everything?" I remembered Vivian going out hand in hand with Doro.
     
    "In spite of everything," he said quietly.
     
    "Can you read his mind?"
     
    "No."
     

 
    "But why not? He says he's not a telepath. How could he stop you?"
     
    "You'll find out after your transition. This will be your room." We were on the second
    floor. He opened the door he had stopped in front of.
     
    The bedroom was white, and I guess you could call it elegant. There was a small
    crystal chandelier. There was a huge bed and a large dresser with a beautiful mirror. I'd
    have to be careful how I threw things. There was a closet that was going to look empty
    even after I hung up the new clothes Doro had bought me. There were chairs, little tables
    . . .
     
    It was just a really nice room. I peered into the mirror at my bruise. Then I sat down
    in a chair by the window and looked out at the front lawn as I spoke to Karl. "What do I
    do after my transition?"
     
    "Do?"
     
    "Well, I'll be able to read minds. I'll be able to steal better without getting caught—if I
    still want to. I'll be able to snoop through other people's secrets, even make robots of
    people. But . . ."
     
    "But?"
     
    "What am I supposed to do—except maybe have babies?" I turned to face him and
    saw by his expression that he wished I hadn't said that last. I didn't care.
     
    "I'm sure Doro will find some work for you," he said. "He probably already has
    something in mind."
     
    Just at that moment, someone was hit by a car. I sensed enough to know that it was
    nearby, within a few blocks of Karl's house. I felt the impact. I might have said
    something. Then I felt the pain. A slow-motion avalanche of pain. I know I screamed
    then. That hit me harder than anything I'd ever received. Finally the pain got to be too
    much for the accident victim. He passed out. I almost passed out with him. I found
    myself curled into a tight knot on the chair, my feet up and my head down and throbbing.
     
    I looked up to see whether Karl was still there, and found him watching me. He
    looked interested but not concerned, not inclined to give me any of the help he was
    supposed to give. I had a feeling that, if I survived transition, I would do it on my own.
     
    "There's aspirin in the bathroom," he said, nodding toward a closed door. Then he
    turned and left.
     
    Five days later, we were married at city hall. For those five days, I might as well have
    been alone in that big house. Doro left the day he brought me, and didn't come back. I
    saw Karl and Vivian at meals or ran into them accidentally around the house. They were
    always polite. I wasn't.
     
    I tried talking to the servants, but they were silent, contented slaves. They worked, or
    they sat in their quarters watching television and waiting for the master's voice.
     
    I joined Karl and Vivian out by the pool one day and what looked like a really
    interesting conversation came to a dead halt.
     
    The only