Mr Gum and the Biscuit Billionaire by Andy Stanton Read Free Book Online

teach you a lesson,’ said Jonathan Ripples sadly. ‘This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you.’
    But how wrong can you be? It didn’t hurt Jonathan Ripples one bit.

    By midnight the partying and feasting was dying down and the stars hung friendly in the sky. Polly sat with her companions in the shadowy square, tired but happy. Jake was licking up spilt ox gravy, Alan Taylor lay contentedly in a heap of leaves and Friday was strumming quietly on a blue guitar.
    As he strummed, someone appeared at the far end of the town square. It was Mrs Lovely,who ran the sweet shop, and not only that, she was Friday’s wife too.
    â€˜Mrs Lovely!’ cried Friday, and dropping his guitar he swept her up in his lovey dovey arms and everyone went ‘aaaaaaaah’.
    â€˜Mrs Lovely, where you been all this time?’ asked Polly.
    â€˜Away in the mountains, gathering secret herbs for my sweets,’ she trilled. ‘Did I miss anything?’
    And a shooting star shot by like a cornflake falling out of God’s breakfast, and the Man in the Moon tried to eat it but he missed. And the heroic friends sat in the old town square wondering what adventures they’d have next and Friday stuck a breadstick up his nose to impress everyone and it broke off and the crumbs went down his throat and made him cough a bit.
    And then, just when he thought he couldn’t possibly be any happier, Alan Taylor gasped inastonishment.
For I am no longer made of gingerbread!
he thought.
At last I am a real man!
    Then he took a closer look at himself and realised he had made a mistake. ‘Oh,’ he sighed. ‘I’m still a gingerbread man with electric muscles after all. Well, never mind. Everything else worked out OK.’
    THE END

HELLO.
    Here’s what. You might think you know everything there is to know about Lamonic Bibber and the townsfolk who live there. But do you really? Do you? DO YOU?
    No! No! NO! You do not. So stop showing off.
    You see, there is always more to learn about those crazy old townsfolk and that is why we proudly present . . .

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Polly’s Favourite Ever Books, shut up cos it’s true
    1   ‘The Shark Who Lived On The Moon’ by Greg Kingsley
    2   ‘Cobbler Wins The Prizes’ by Mimsy Rogers
    3   ‘Help, I’m A Moron’ by Timothy Face
    4   ‘Come Back, Burpy Jenkins!’ by Samantha Brown
    5   ‘My Life As A Tangerine’ by Eric P. Madman
    6   ‘Dinkles, The World’s Fattest Parrot’ by Reg Webb
    7   ‘The Mystery Of The Mysterious Mystery’ by Janet Zigzag
    8   ‘Cobbler Meets The Poo Rabbits’ by Mimsy Rogers
    9   ‘Herzog’ by Saul Bellow
    10 ‘You Can Do It, Cobbler!’ by Mimsy Rogers
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10 Things Friday O’Leary Is Secretly a Bit Scared of
    1   Big dogs
    2   Moths
    3   Big dog with a moth stuck in its fur
    4   Those things over there in the corner
    5   ‘Cobbler Meets The Poo Rabbits’ by Mimsy Rogers
    6   Calendars
    7   Being eaten alive by antelopes
    8   Not being eaten alive by antelopes *
    9   The number 9
    10 Going to sleep and when you wake up you’re in Argentina and everyone’s laughing at you in a foreign language *
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    *
This actually happened to Friday once
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10 Words Billy William the Third Pronounces Funny
     WORD
HOW BWIII SAYS IT
1   Funny
Funty
2   England
Engerland
3   Hospital
Hoppital
4   Dinosaur
Minotaur
5   Minotaur
Rhino war
6   Mystery
Mittersy
7   Dentist
Dennist
8   Pumpkin
Plumpkin
9   Screwdriver
Matthew Robinson
10 Fountain
(Not sure because no one’s ever heard him say it. It’s a mittersy.)
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Mr Gum’s Top TV Programmes of All