My Soon-To-Be Sex Life by Judith Tewes Read Free Book Online Page B

to tell you your math marks aren’t up to snuff.” Roach reached out, crumpled one of the offending photos, moved to the next locker, and the next, tearing off as many Charlie chests as she could.
    I stood there watching her, and every other Tom, and Harry Dick in the school, as they gave their lockers a cursory glance, tore off the picture and moved on with their lives, while my boobs looked up at them from the freshly-waxed floor.

Chapter Nine
    â€œYou go, girl.” Grace applauded the mother a few tables over who ignored the anxious looks of stuffy patrons and whipped out her breast when her baby started fussing.
    Mom’s favorite family Italian restaurant had reopened under new management, so Grace and I were playing food critic, under strict instructions to give mom a detailed review during our next visit. So far our findings were dismal, bleeding into major waste of time. And we hadn’t even sampled the food yet. We’d been seated for half an hour staring at our menus while savory odors drifted over from other tables. No one had taken our orders. The wait was making Grace punchy.
    â€œYou don’t see many women with the confidence to bare it all and nurse in public,” Grace said. “Why is something so natural a taboo? Mothers have the right to feed their children, anyplace, anytime.”
    â€œCan we not talk about breasts?” I was still recovering from the day’s tits up debauchery. It hadn’t amounted to much in the grand scheme of things. Roach had made sure any stray photocopies were swiftly taken care of and the print evidence was long gone before any of the teachers would have noticed. Even if they had spotted one of the copies, they’d probably assumed it was something for art class or yet another lame poster for yet another lame school dance.
    Amazing what shit went on under teacher’s noses.
    And as for sharing the photo around online? Well, my fairly well-covered boobs didn’t hold up against another Beyoncé meme. By the last bell, the whole thing was a distant memory.
    For everyone else, at least.
    â€œPlease.” I held up a hand. “No more boobs. Not even in terms of nourishment. Besides, if you go on and on…breastfeeding this, breastfeeding that…and looking at her funny, then you’re part of the problem, don’t you think?” I propped the pleather menu on the table using it to conceal my chest, unable to shake the feeling every man in the crowded restaurant had downloaded my hooters from Ty’s sleazy Facebook page and jerked off before going to dinner with their wives. “I mean, if it really didn’t test your tolerance for naked flesh on public display, would you think to mention it?”
    â€œPlaying devil’s advocate? How predictable.” Grace attempted to make eye contact with one of the waitresses buzzing between tables. She started waving her arms. “What does it take to get food around here?”
    A waitress started in our direction only to be commandeered by a blue-haired woman at another table. Grace shifted, her chair scrapping against the ceramic tile in an embarrassing restaurant faux pas.
    People stared.
    I poked my tongue out at them.
    â€œSo, why can’t we talk about boobs?” Grace tipped my menu down and leered at my happy-face T-shirt. “Are you sporting a third nipple I don’t know about?”
    â€œDon’t. Just don’t, okay?” I jerked the menu back into position.
    â€œWow, Charlie.” She laughed. “What’s the big deal?”
    â€œLet’s just say I had a rotten brassiere day and it’s not nice to keep reminding me.” I scanned the menu, drooling a little. “You know what?”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œI think this is the extract same menu as before, but with stupider names. The Heebie Jeebee Platter. See? It doesn’t even make sense. I have no taste bud reference for a Heebie Jeebee . Isn’t