My Zombie Honeymoon: Love in the Age of Zombies Book One by James K. Evans Read Free Book Online

a bit too decorative for my tastes—you could tell a woman lived here without a man—but she had good taste. Some of her framed art looked to be originals. She leaned toward art deco.
    We stood in the living room, still looking around. “Seems secure,” she said, “what do you think?”
    “I think you’re good. You have food to last a while. The water still works. How are you set for heat?”
    “I have a natural gas stove and a fireplace.”
    “You’re using a fireplace ?!” I said. I suppose I sounded almost accusatory. “You can’t—“
    She interrupted me, saying, “Kevin, do you see any blonde roots in my hair? Give me some credit, willya? I’m not stupid. I’m not talking about a wood fire. People would see the smoke coming from my chimney and know someone was inside. Duh. I have natural gas logs. I’ll keep plenty warm.”
    “Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that you were stupid. Although you might look nice as a blonde,” I said, tilting my head and squinting my eyes as if mentally replacing her auburn hair with blonde hair.
    “Yeah, you too, if you actually had any hair,” she shot back. “I think you can go back home. I’ve had a very rough day, my head still hurts, and I have to pee.”
    “Okay, but make sure you lock the door behind me,” I said as I headed toward the door. I saw her roll her eyes, as if to say, There he goes again. I’m not an idiot.
    With the door cracked, I took a look around to make sure it was safe. While I was doing so, I heard her say behind me, “Thanks for everything. You were there for me and I appreciate everything you did, being so neighborly and all. Hopefully I can return the favor sometime.”
    “Hopefully you’ll never need to,” I responded, then quickly crossed the distance between my house and her house. As I opened the door I glanced back. She gave a weak wave as I nodded my head and went inside.
    So now I’m sitting here, processing the last twenty four hours. She says she saw a zombie. I saw a woman in the street who looked and acted weird, and she sure scared the dog away. I saw a dead body in the Erickson’s front yard, and a lot of blood.
    I also had a woman sleep in my bed. I can’t recall the last time that happened. I’m in bed now, having spent the rest of the day taking care of things around here—working with the plants and unpacking those damn porn DVDs she happened to find. How embarrassing. She was right, there were some very strange titles in there, but there were also some that looked, um, entertaining. Even when living in the land of zombies, a guy has urges. I started to put the box of DVDs in closet, but then thought, Hell, there’s no one going to be dropping in. I might as well put them with my other DVDs . So I added a bunch of them to my movie collection. I only wish I’d unpacked the box before she was here. And wouldn’t you know, she’d pick out one of the stranger fetish DVDs. She probably really does think I’m a pervert.
    I don’t know if she wears perfume. I have no idea what kind of soap or laundry detergent she uses. But somehow I still catch a whiff of feminine scent in my bed. Maybe it’s just pheromones.
    It sure was weird having a practical stranger spend the night in my bed. Neighborly, she called it. Hmm.
    October 19 th
    We had frost last night. The first of the season. It made me wonder: what happens to zombies when it gets seriously cold . . . ? Do they freeze? Do they stop moving and never move again? Do they just move slower? I’ll know within the next two months.
    October 20 th
    I saw one. One of them. There is no doubt. I was standing in the side door, taking a look around. The trees are at their peak. The maple in Michelle’s yard has leaves of golden red on the outside, but the inner leaves are greenish-gold. It’s a gorgeous layered effect. The weathered gray wood of the back fence is interspersed with brilliant vermillion from poison ivy. It’s beautiful. Reminds me of some women I’ve