Naked in Saigon by Colin Falconer Read Free Book Online

idea, honey. I told you that you’d be bored out here. I’ll see you back home in a couple of months.”
    But was that how I wanted it to play out, or would that just be delaying the other conversation we have to have?
    “Connor, I’ve been thinking about things and maybe it’s better if we took a break from each other to think about things.”
    “What do you mean, honey? You want to separate?”
    Was that what I wanted, to break up the marriage? I hadn’t thought so until I saw Reyes again. But what kind of marriage was it when all you could think about was your ex?
    And if we did break up, then what would I do, move on to the next lover, and pretend to be happy until the next time I bumped into Reyes in some bar somewhere in the world?
    “I know what your friend’s so nervous about,” he said, interrupting my thoughts.
    “My friend?”
    “Angel. Isn’t that his name? Doesn’t seem very appropriate.”
    “It’s not.”
    “You know I walked out of the press briefing this afternoon at JUSPAO and this little kid ran up and stuck this in my pocket.” He threw a small glassine packet on the table. I picked it up. There was a few grams of white powder inside.
    “We saw that kid giving these out on the way in from the airport that first day.” I said.
    “That’s right. And I’d just heard the press officer telling some reporter from NBC that there was no heroin problem among the soldiers here in Saigon. And there isn’t a problem--these guys can get this shit anywhere. They’re throwing it at them in the street.”
    The glasses on the table rattled as the carpet-bombing got under way in the north. It was like being in the middle of an earthquake. The flash of the bombs flickered against the night sky like sheet lightning.
    “The embassy says they can find no evidence that the Vietnamese government is involved in selling heroin to US servicemen in Vietnam. But the reason they can’t find any evidence is they studiously refuse to look for any. Here we are, defending democracy for them, while they’re turning our boys into junkies. What’s going to happen to these kids when they get back to the States? They won’t give them this shit for free in Detroit or Pittsburgh.”
    The trouble, I realised, was that I admired Connor more than I loved him. He was a good man, he believed in what he did and he had the courage to see it through. But he bored me.
    “All they care about is beating the communists. Well maybe the communists aren’t the danger after all, perhaps guys like Angel are the real evil here.”
    “Don't you ever wonder if it’s worth it?” I said.
    “What’s that, honey?”
    “All of this. You’re right, of course, but this world’s always been a dirty place. You uncover one can of worms, there’s always another one. You’re not going to change it.”
    “All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to stand by and do nothing,” he quoted at me.
    “Maybe you’re right, but ever since I was a little girl in Cuba I’ve heard people talk about peace and justice and all we got in the end was Castro and dead presidents.”
    “I can’t walk away from this.”
    I nodded. “I know you can’t.”
    “I know I drive you crazy, but you knew this about me when you married me.”
    I finished my drink. He was right; I did know that about him. It seemed glamorous then, being with a white knight who believed in something, the sort of man Papi might have approved of. But being with a man just because you thought you should wasn’t a very good reason.
    “Are you still glad you married me?” Connor said, and I felt my cheeks burn, knowing I’d given myself away.
    “Of course I am.”
    “You’re such a bad liar.”
    “I do love you, Connor.”
    He smiled at the way I had sidestepped him. He took my hand and looked at me in a way he hadn’t looked at me in a very long time. “I don’t know what I’d do if you ever left me. I mean it. I’d die without you now.”
    I felt the trap