Nanny Piggins and the Wicked Plan by R. A. Spratt Read Free Book Online Page B

telegram later that day to let them know she had landed safely. But they did not see her again for three days because that is how long it took her to walk back.
    The first thing Nanny Piggins did on returning was go to the hospital to see Eduardo. Not thatthere was anything wrong with him. He was just in hospital for his nerves. Falling two hundred and nineteen feet into the sea had really shaken him up and totally put him off cannons. So Nanny Piggins had mercy on him. Instead of biting him hard on the leg as she had originally planned, she merely slapped him hard across the face with a rubber glove that she borrowed from one of the nurses and told him to never claim to be the ‘Greatest Flying Anything’ ever again.
    And so Nanny Piggins, Boris and the children returned home and everything was back to normal. Nanny Piggins had lost her flying ‘shape’ on the three-day walk back. She still held the title of ‘World’s Greatest Flying Animal’, and the children had the best ever story for show and tell on Monday.

Nanny Piggins, Boris and the children were in Mr Green’s bedroom. For once they were not there to rifle through his drawers looking for spare change, or to ‘borrow’ his clothes to make spaceman costumes. They were in Mr Green’s bedroom because it had the best view of the street. And since it was a rainy day and they could not go outside to harass the community in person, Nanny Piggins suggested that theyspend the afternoon blowing spitballs at passing pedestrians. Which, as it turned out, was a delightful way to while away their time.
    Nanny Piggins had a point system worked out. You got five points for hitting someone wearing a hat; ten points for a bald man; fifteen points if you got it in their ear and twenty points if you got it in the ear of a bald man while he was talking on a mobile phone.
    The children thoroughly enjoyed the game. Derrick had twenty-five points, Samantha had twenty and Michael had ten. But Nanny Piggins was easily winning. She had one thousand, six hundred and ninety-five points. Although admittedly she had an advantage. While she was touring with the circus, Nanny Piggins had met a South American pygmy who taught her how to use a dart gun with startling power and accuracy. She could hit a mosquito in mid-air from two hundred metres away. And, of course, it helped that she had Boris dangling her out the window by her hind trotters, allowing her to get as close as possible to her target.
    Nanny Piggins was just about to hit a bald man in the ear as he talked on a mobile phone while picking his nose at the same time when she spotted a girl walking along the street.
    ‘Pull me in! Quick!! It’s the police,’ squealed Nanny Piggins. Which nearly caused Boris to drop her. He did not like being yelled at, even when the yelling was meant in the friendliest possible way. He had delicate nerves for a bear.
    Derrick, Samantha and Michael leaned further out the window to see what Nanny Piggins was talking about.
    ‘It’s just a girl,’ said Derrick.
    ‘Yes, but she’s wearing a blue police uniform,’ countered Nanny Piggins.
    ‘I think she’s too short to be in the police force,’ suggested Michael.
    ‘Perhaps she’s wearing a disguise,’ said Nanny Piggins, ‘and secretly she’s six foot two.’
    ‘Or,’ said Samantha, ‘perhaps she’s a Buzzy Bee. They wear blue uniforms too.’
    ‘A what-what?’ asked Nanny Piggins.
    ‘A Buzzy Bee,’ explained Samantha.
    ‘What are they?’ asked Nanny Piggins.
    This stumped Samantha for a moment. She was not entirely sure how best to explain it. ‘It’s an organisation for girls … where they learn how to do good deeds for the community … and how to survive in the wilderness … and they go camping.’
    ‘Camping!’ exclaimed Nanny Piggins. ‘Thepoor creatures. How inhumanely cruel. What sort of wicked adults would condone taking children out into the wilderness and depriving them of toilet facilities?’
    ‘It’s