No Kiss Goodbye by Janelle Harris Read Free Book Online

just guilt, I think…yeah, that’s it. I feel so fucking guilty. I know when Laura finds out it’ll break her heart. I don’t want to do that to her. I almost wish she never had to know.’
    Nicole looks disappointed in my confession.
    ‘She deserves to know the truth, Mark. Maybe you should just tell her.’
    ‘That’s not how this works, and you fucking know it,’ I snarl. ‘We’ve talked about this. You agreed this is the best way.’
    Nicole closes her eyes. ‘Yeah, I know. Sorry. It’s just that waiting is hard, you know.’
    I roll my shoulders. ‘I didn’t say it was easy.’
    ‘I never said you did.’
    I have to look away. Nicole looks like she’s about to cry, and I know it’s my fault. She lets go of my hands and steps back.
    ‘I’m sorry,’ Nicole whispers.
    ‘Me, too.’
    ‘Look, I hate all this pretence, Mark. I can’t lie. But I know you’re just trying to protect Laura as much as you can...’
    ‘But that’s the problem. I can’t protect her from herself. No one can.’
    ‘You don’t think she would hurt herself, do you?’
    ‘Yeah. Maybe. Sometimes! Do you think she would?’
    ‘Yeah. Maybe. Sometimes,’ Nicole echoes.
    I force a painful lump of air down my throat and press my hands against my head. Hard enough to pinch. ‘I have to go back.’
    ‘I know.’
    ‘No. I mean now. Right now. I need to get back to the house. Christ, I never should have left her. What the fuck was I thinking?’
    Nicole puts her hand on my shoulders. ‘It’s okay, stop freaking out. Laura’s asleep.’
    ‘No. It’s not okay. It’s so not okay.’
    ‘You need a break, Mark. You can’t keep going like this. You’re driving yourself into the ground.’
    I toss my shoulder away from Nicole’s hand. ‘I’m fine. Or I will be fine when I get back to the house.’
    I race downstairs, fling open the sitting room door, and find my mother watching her favourite soap from the couch. She quickly reaches for the remote control and fiddles with the buttons to try to turn off the blaring television in the corner.
    ‘What is it?’ my mother asks, standing up. ‘Has something happened?’
    ‘No. Well, not yet anyway, but I have to go home. I should never have left Laura alone.’
    My mother sighs, and I see her rigid body relax.
    ‘Mark, you’re here less than an hour. Laura will be fine on her own for a little while.’
    ‘You don’t know that! God, why did I ever leave her alone? I’m so stupid. What if Laura woke up? God knows what clues she could find lying around the house. She could come to any number of conclusions.’ Shit, shit, shit . ‘I have to go.’
    Nicole thunders down the stairs and almost skids on the hall tiles as she comes to a stop just behind me.
    ‘Honey, sit down,’ my mother orders as she drapes her arm over my shoulder and tries to steer me towards the couch. ‘You’re in no fit state to drive. Your father is in the kitchen making some coffee. I’m sure he can stretch it as far as a cup for his only son.’
    I’m shaking my head so hard it’s blurring my vision.
    ‘Keep an eye on him,’ my mother whispers as she passes Nicole. 
    ‘Tom, Mark wants a cup of coffee,’ my mother shouts towards the kitchen as she leaves the room.
    ‘No, Mom, I don’t need coffee. I need to go.’ I race after her.
    My mother turns around and so much concern and worry are written in the lines of her face that it breaks my heart. And all I can do is offer her a reluctant smile.
    ‘Okay, honey. Okay,’ she placates, and for such a slim, agile lady, she suddenly looks heavy and weary.
    I rush from room to room, frantically gathering up random bits and pieces. I grab my phone and my coat. Then spin around in circles, searching every room for Mr. Snuggles, the teddy I brought to the hospital for Katie’s arrival. And then I remember; the furry, brown bear is lying next to his beautiful, young owner. Mr. Snuggles is keeping baby Katie company.
    ‘Mark, calm down, please.