Not Looking For Love: Episode 1 by Lena Bourne Read Free Book Online Page A

the moment. "I'd say it was something that helped her get over her own disappointment in love."
    "Love is overrated," I blurt out. I certainly don't want love. Look where it gets you. Having to say goodbye, nothing you can do, forced to live with excruciating bereavement. And it always ends the same. Always in sorrow and pain.
    "Love is all right," Mom says. "It makes everything else bearable."
    I don't answer; don't tell her she's wrong. She probably knows it anyway.
    "I think I'll take a little nap before dinner," she says and lies down. I know she won't get up again today.
    I lie down next to her, and close my eyes too. A peal of thunder echoes in the distance a few minutes later and I open my eyes, but the sky outside is still sunny and light blue.  
    I prop myself up on one elbow and kiss my mom's cheek. When she's asleep like this, it's easier to pretend she's just a little ill, and that she'll get well any day now. I push a short, dry strand of her once soft, dark brown hair under her scarf and slide out of bed, letting her rest.

    Surprisingly, my dad is working late tonight, and I don't much like the idea of eating dinner alone. The storm is coming closer. I want to get in my car and drive down to the beach, let the wind beat against me, and feel the first fat raindrops on my skin. But I just know Scott will be there. And then what? I won't be able to fight the pull, and I've humiliated myself enough for a whole lifetime in front of him. I should stay away from him forever. I should and I will.
    Kate's ringtone interrupts my meanderings.  
    "So, tell me!" she orders when I answer.
    "What?" I stare out the living room window. The sky outside is already covered by inky, thick blotches of clouds. The hedge hisses in the wind.  
    "Don't what me. I saw you with the gardener," Kate says.
    I open the window and step out onto the patio and into the way of the wind.
    "Hello, hello, you still there?" Kate asks. The wind must be making her think the connection is bad.  
    I block the speaker with my palm. "Yeah."
    "So?"
    I don't want to tell her, don't want to remember it. But the humiliation will suffocate me if I don't tell someone.
    "He blew me off," I stammer.
    "No!" she says with exactly the perfect tone of outrage. I feel marginally better.  
    "He told me he's not interested," I elaborate. Might as well put it all out there.
    "Weird. That's not what it looked like to me," Kate muses. How much did she see? It doesn't matter. I would have told her everything anyway, eventually.
    "I know. He's all checking me out one minute and blowing me off the next. I'm not even going to bother anymore," I say and sit in one of the deck chairs. "Maybe it's something else. Maybe he has like a wife and kids somewhere and that's why."  
    "I doubt it," Kate says. "I never saw a ring on him. Besides why should that matter? You just want a good time, right?"
    "I guess, but like I said, he's not interested. I'm done throwing myself at him."
    "Nonsense, you need a distraction!" Kate says. My heart clenches, cramps up. Kate can be so flippant about my mom sometimes. I don't blame her though, she doesn't know what it's like to watch your mom die, and I hope she never finds out. "I think you just need to take it a little more slowly. Play hard to get. Guys like that sort of thing. The next time you see him, you should pretend you don't even know him. He'll be following you around like puppy after that, you'll see."
    I murmur agreement. I don't want to talk anymore. All I want to do is climb under the covers and think about nothing.
    "I think my mom's calling me," I say, "I'll talk to you later."
    She says 'Bye' like she's not done talking and doesn't quite believe me, but I'm already pressing End Call because I am.

CHAPTER SIX

    I spend most of Saturday in bed, visiting my mom for only an hour or so. Saturdays and Sundays are Dad's days with her. It's an unspoken rule that I've made up, and I'm not even sure he knows about it. But the hurt of