Not Your Mother's Rules: The New Secrets for Dating by Ellen Fein, Sherrie Schneider Read Free Book Online Page A

just sitting around gives you too much time to think, too much time to stare at your phone, and too much time to “accidentally” press send. You will never regret
not
texting him, but there’s a big chance you will regret it if you do.
    —Rules Daughters
    Now let’s go over the second texting intention we mentioned earlier. What if a guy spoke to you first, called youfirst, and took you out on a date, but then you didn’t hear from him again? Would it be okay to shoot him a quick text, “Hey, I had a fun time with u. How are u? What happened with your promotion?” No, it would not. Such a message would make it obvious that you are looking to make contact and waiting for him to ask you out again. Be honest with yourself and
don’t text him first after a date
!
    Like it or not, after a date, you have to wait for a guy to reach out and ask you out again. You cannot remind him that you exist. If you text him without hearing from him first, you will prolong a relationship that may actually be over. If he doesn’t call or text you after the date, it’s not because he is too busy at work, his dog is sick, he is relocating, or he’s visiting his cousin in the hospital—he’s just not interested. Hence, no text.
    Women might argue, “But how will he know I like him if I don’t text him to follow up after a date?” He will know you like him because you went on the date with him and you will return
his
text. To text first is to initiate contact. He may feel flattered for a minute, but then he will feel bored and move on to the next girl he really wanted and texted first.
    Women who have a crush become positively ingenious when it comes to finding reasons to text a guy first. They want to thank him for drinks or dinner. They want to invite him to hear their friend’s band play at a club. They conveniently have two courtside tickets to his favorite basketball team or to a Broadway show he casually mentioned. They are going to be in his neighborhood or near his office and want to stop by. They are thinking about joining his gym and wanted to get a quick tour. Their friends are throwing them a thirtieth-birthday party and they want to send him anEvite. They want to wish him a safe trip to California. The list goes on and on. The bottom line is you have to restrain yourself from texting a guy first for
any
reason. It is pursuing, it doesn’t work, and it is a waste of time.
    Mandy, a twenty-six-year-old nurse, e-mailed us asking if she could text a guy who she had been on and off with for a year (a scenario no
Rules
Girl would put up with!) to say their favorite group was playing in Atlantic City. “I won’t call him, but can I just shoot him a quick text? Would that be so bad? New Year’s Eve is coming up and I really want a date.” We went over the whole relationship. They were introduced at a party and talked for three hours that night. He told her he had just ended a relationship and was “not looking for anything serious.” They hooked up about eight times after that, all last-minute dinners and booty calls. The last time she heard from him had been two months earlier when he needed to vent about his ex. After he vented, they had sex.
    Of course she shouldn’t contact him! A text would inevitably lead to a flurry of friendly messages and last-minute dates—and if she wanted a serious relationship, this wasn’t it. It would be obvious that the text was just an excuse to contact him because New Year’s Eve was two weeks away and she didn’t have a date. Furthermore, we explained that if she texted him and he wrote back, she would be getting the false impression that he was interested. Then her fantasy relationship would continue, preventing her from meeting guys who were truly interested in her and asking her out every week. Mandy agreed but then asked if she could at least send him one last text saying the relationship wasn’t working for her and to never contact her again.
    Still
no! Closure is yet another