November by David Mamet Read Free Book Online Page A

correct. I am so excited.
    ( BERNSTEIN
exits
.)
    CHARLES: Find out how I can marry the broad …
    ARCHER: You can’t do that.
    CHARLES: I need that speech.
    ARCHER: It’s illegal.
    CHARLES: What we’re speaking of, would be illegal?
    ARCHER: It would be illegal.
    CHARLES: Thus, it would be a “crime.”
    ARCHER: Yes.
    CHARLES: And, thus “against the law.”
    ARCHER: That is the nature of a crime.
    CHARLES: How twisted are the works of man. (
Pause
) Find some way to make it legal.
    ARCHER: It’s legal in Massachusetts.
    CHARLES: Is that the way you want to live your life?
    ARCHER:  … it’ll cause precedent.
    CHARLES: Not necessarily.
    ARCHER: That’s what LEGAL
is
.
    CHARLES: It is?
    ARCHER: “LEGAL” means making a precedent, so that, NEXT time in the same circumstances, people know what to do. (
Pause
) Because they know what’s legal. (
Pause
) That’s what it means, “a legal precedent.”
    (
Pause
.)
    CHARLES: Can’t I do it under “executive powers”?
    ARCHER: Legally, no.
    CHARLES: What about “illegally”?
    ARCHER: It wouldn’t be legal.
    CHARLES: Okay. What about if it, okay: WASN’T “legal,” but, BUT it “looked” legal for
just enough time
, before the Supreme Court tromped in and said it was—what do they say …? “Unconstitutional.” (
Pause
) Let them “de-legalize” it next week. Isn’t that what they
do?
I don’t give a fuck …
    ARCHER:  … they’d say you quote quote “seized the reins of power.”
    CHARLES: What would I do with “the reins of power”? I just wanna get reelected.
    ARCHER:  … it has to be legal.
    CHARLES: Fucken
legal
. (
Pause
) What
is
legal? Is it “legal” for the State to deny of two perfectly good citizens, the right to “get married,” just because they’re both girls?
    ARCHER:  … Yes.
    CHARLES: Well, that’s a crime …
    ARCHER: It’s a damn shame.
    CHARLES: It allows, uh uh, uh, “other” people to get married.
    ARCHER: That it does.
    CHARLES: At one time. It prohibited.
    ARCHER:  … uh-huh.
    CHARLES:  … uh uh uh, people of other races from marrying.
    ARCHER: No, it didn’t.
    CHARLES: It prohibited people of other races, from marrying people of other races.
    ARCHER: It ain’t going to fly.
    CHARLES: Then help me out.
    ARCHER: She insists on you “marrying” them.
    CHARLES: Yes.
    ARCHER:
Before
she gives you the speech?
    CHARLES: Yes.
    ARCHER:  … 
Women
…
    CHARLES: No, they have rights, just like regular human beings.
    ARCHER: As you’ve always said.
    CHARLES: I
married
one of ’em.
    ARCHER: You married two of ’em.
    CHARLES: Yeah, but the first one was expunged.
    ( ARCHER and CHARLES
knock wood
. TURKEY GUY
enters
.)
    TURKEY GUY: I need you to smell the turkeys’ hand.
    ARCHER: Don’t you say
“Sir”?
    TURKEY GUY: Not for two hundred million dollars.
    CHARLES: How do I
marry
the broads?
    TURKEY GUY: I need you to smell the turkeys’ hand.
    CHARLES: I believe you mean, you need the turkeys to smell my hand.
    TURKEY GUY: That is correct.
    CHARLES: You bet.
    (
The second phone rings
. ARCHER
answers
.)
    ARCHER: Yes …
    TURKEY GUY: Because they’re very sensitive.
    CHARLES: Aren’t we all?
    ARCHER: (
To
CHARLES ) The TV people. Bernstein and her pal—have refused to wear makeup.
    CHARLES: That’s their inalienable right. And get a license.
    ARCHER: (
To phone
) Can we get a marriage license “right now”? Because he needs to marry them today.
    TURKEY GUY: Who?
    ARCHER: The girls in the
wedding
dress …
    TURKEY GUY: He wants to marry two “women”?
    ARCHER: That’s right.
    TURKEY GUY: Two “lesbians.”
    CHARLES: Well, why would two straight women get married? They marry “men.”
    TURKEY GUY: You, you mean to “marry two women”?
    CHARLES: Oh,
I’m
sorry.
I
didn’t ask your
permission
.
    TURKEY GUY:
Today
…?
    CHARLES: Well, I didn’t say “today,” but they got dressed
up
and came
down
here …
    ARCHER: (
To phone
) The press wants to know why there are two women, in a