November by David Mamet Read Free Book Online

of …?
    CHARLES: Well, of my presidency.
    ( BERNSTEIN
shows up, sneezing, in a wedding dress, her amulet around her neck
.)
    BERNSTEIN: Sir, Good morning.
Achoo
.
    CHARLES: You sick?
    BERNSTEIN: Just something I caught on the plane … (
She sneezes
.)
    CHARLES: Get someone from Walter Reed down here with some penicillin.
    ARCHER: (
To phone
) Gimme a doctor with some penicillin.
    BERNSTEIN: Sir, on behalf of my partner, our daughter,
and
myself.
    ARCHER: Is that a wedding dress?
    BERNSTEIN: Sir, it is.
    ARCHER: It’s lovely.
    BERNSTEIN: Thank you, Sir. (
Hands him speech
) I think you’ll like this …
    ARCHER: Why are you wearing it?
    CHARLES: (
Of speech
) Oh, jeez, listen to this:
    (
All sit. The phone rings
.)
    ARCHER: (
To phone
) Yes. The TV people want to do a sound check.
    CHARLES: Coming right down.
    TURKEY GUY: Please tell them to place the turkeys onstage, so that they become accustomed to the noise and the commotion.
    ARCHER: Sure.
    TURKEY GUY: But not too near the lights.
    ARCHER: (
To phone
) Put the turkeys in the studio. (
Hangs up
)
    BERNSTEIN: (
Reads
) “A country. Like a family, like a race, or a religion, like a
business
…”
    CHARLES: Business, always good.
    BERNSTEIN: “…  is an organic enterprise. Because it lives, it
changes
…”
    TURKEY GUY:  … Sir, might I hear the part about the turkeys …
    BERNSTEIN: “…  it has its triumphs, and, of course, it makes mistakes, in short, it
grows
. Now: we’ve all heard the phrase
‘growing pains’
…”
    (
The phone rings
.)
    ARCHER: (
To
TURKEY GUY ) They want you out there.
    TURKEY GUY: Excuse me …
    ( TURKEY GUY
exits
.)
    CHARLES: Bernstein, this
speech?
This
here
…?
    BERNSTEIN: Thank you, Sir.
    CHARLES: This makes me sound smart.
    ARCHER: Why are you wearing a wedding dress?
    BERNSTEIN: (
To
CHARLES ) Thank you.
    CHARLES:
Thank
me? Thank
you
 … What do
you
want? You tell me: Ambassador to what, France? Somewhere closer?
    BERNSTEIN: Sir.
    CHARLES: You name it: the UN … are we still in the UN?
    ARCHER: You want me to check?
    BERNSTEIN: Sir, all I and my
partner
, and my
daughter
want. Is the
one thing
. And for you to, in your second term, to be well, do good, live
long
, and deal justly.
    (
Pause
.)
    CHARLES: I love this speech Bernstein. I love it and I will do everything in my power to do ALL those things.
    ARCHER: A-plus speech, Bernstein.
    BERNSTEIN: Wait til it’s done …!
    ARCHER: And why are you wearing a wedding dress?
    BERNSTEIN: I’m getting married.
    CHARLES: No, I believe he means why are you wearing a wedding dress
today?
    BERNSTEIN: I’m getting
married
today.
    ARCHER: (
On phone
) And I’m told there’s
another
woman in a wedding dress.
    BERNSTEIN: Yes.
    ARCHER: In the outer office …
    BERNSTEIN: That would be my partner.
    ARCHER:
Uh
-huh …
    BERNSTEIN: And, Sir.
    CHARLES: Yes.
    BERNSTEIN: I have the one more favor …
    CHARLES: You ask it, pal.
    BERNSTEIN: My partner and I … would be
honored
, if you’d let us name our daughter after you.
    CHARLES: Bernstein, can I give you a “hug”?
    BERNSTEIN: If you’re not reluctant, Sir, to “hug” a person of a differing sexual orientation.
    CHARLES: I’ve been doing it all my life.
    ( CHARLES
and
BERNSTEIN
hug
.)
    BERNSTEIN: Thank you, Sir.
    CHARLES: That speech, Bernstein, is my legacy.
    BERNSTEIN: Wait til it’s
done
.
    CHARLES: It’s not done?
    BERNSTEIN: It’s almost done …
    CHARLES: Can I see it now?
    BERNSTEIN: Not til it’s done.
    CHARLES: When will it
be
done.
    BERNSTEIN: After we’re married.
    CHARLES: But I need it now to do it on TV.
    BERNSTEIN: We thought, you’d marry us on TV
first
, and,
then
, I’d give you your speech.
    (
Pause
.)
    CHARLES: Don’t you
trust
me, Bernstein?
    BERNSTEIN: Sir? I don’t trust
anyone
. But, if I did? I’d trust you first.
    CHARLES: Bernstein, I am the President.
    BERNSTEIN: That’s what I’m saying, Sir.
    CHARLES: I don’t get the speech, until I marry you on TV?
    BERNSTEIN: That is