November by David Mamet Read Free Book Online Page B

wedding dress, and bouquets, sitting in the office with a little Chinese child.
    CHARLES: Tell the press they all pulled each other from a burning
wreck
…
    TURKEY GUY: If you marry those lesbians, we cannot give you the money.
    CHARLES:  … or they won a
spelling
bee or something.
    TURKEY GUY: If you marry those two women on TV, we will not give you the money.
    (
Pause
.)
    CHARLES: That is not the spirit which made this land what it is.
    TURKEY GUY: I do not
give
a fuck.
    CHARLES: What is this, some antihomosexual thing on your part?
    TURKEY GUY: That may or may not be, but I speak as the representative of three hundred million God-fearing consumers of turkey.
    (
The phone rings
. ARCHER
answers
.)
    ARCHER: Your wife’s on the line.
    CHARLES: WOULD YOU TELL HER I’M
AT WORK. Jesus
, a man cannot work at home …
    TURKEY GUY: If you …
    CHARLES: I HEARD YOU, all right? What
about
: hold on.
    (The
phone rings again
. ARCHER
answers
.)
    ARCHER: Yes …?
    CHARLES: What about if I don’t marry them, until
after
Thanksgiving?
    ARCHER: (
To
CHARLES ) Bernstein has explained to the press that you are marrying her at the beginning of your telecast.
    TURKEY GUY: Oh my …
    (
Pause
.)
    ARCHER: I’ll take care of it.
    TURKEY GUY: My principals, will, in no circumstances allow …
    ARCHER: I said I’ll take care of it.
    TURKEY GUY: Oh, my … Oh, my …
    (
He exits
.)
    ARCHER: Chuck.
    CHARLES: Yes.
    ARCHER: Two things you need. To win an election.
    CHARLES: Yeah.
    ARCHER: A shitload of money.
    CHARLES: That’s right.
    ARCHER: AND a good idea. Here’s the good idea: you have to sell Bernstein out.
    CHARLES: To sell Bernstein out.
    ARCHER: That’s right.
    CHARLES: I’m in her debt.
    ARCHER: You’re in her debt, how you going to discharge it?
    CHARLES: She’s in here with her cute li’l Chinese
baby
, and her
girlfriend
, Daisy.
    ARCHER: You can’t marry two women, Chuck. It’s against the law.
    CHARLES: If we got the Chief Justice to come down here. Like an “activist judge”…? They make the law …
    ARCHER: Why would he do that?
    CHARLES: If I threatened to show everyone “those tapes” of him on the party boat on Lake Winnipesaukee …
    ARCHER: The country. Will not vote for you, Chuck,
however
much airtime you buy. If you marry those women.
    CHARLES: What about if it was “Opposite Day”?
    ARCHER: “Opposite Day”?
    CHARLES: Yeah.
    ARCHER: It’s not a legal holiday.
    CHARLES:  … it’s not?
    ARCHER: No.
    CHARLES:
Huh …
(
Pause
) And she’s writing me this beautiful
speech
.
    ARCHER: That’s great.
    CHARLES: No it’s better than that, it’s going to be my legacy.
    ARCHER: Uh-huh.
    CHARLES: Because, you know what her and me have?
    ARCHER: What do you have?
    CHARLES: A dream.
    ARCHER: You know when people have dreams, Chuck? When they’re sleeping.
    ( BERNSTEIN
pokes her head in
.)
    BERNSTEIN: Sir?
    ARCHER: Give us a minute. ( BERNSTEIN
exits. To
CHARLES ) Chuck: you want to be President for four more years?
    CHARLES: (
Pause
) I promised Bernstein.
    ARCHER: I know that you did.
    CHARLES: I
need
her.
    ARCHER: Uh-huh.
    CHARLES: And I
owe
her …
    ARCHER: Sometimes, Chuck …
    CHARLES: Yes …
    ARCHER:  … part of the burden of command …
    CHARLES: Yes …
    ARCHER:  … is you have to sell the other fellow out.
    CHARLES:  … you have to sell the other fellow out.
    ARCHER: Yes.
    CHARLES: Uh-huh …
    ARCHER: For the “common good.”
    CHARLES: For the “common good.”
    ARCHER: Well. Now you’re talking.
    CHARLES: ’Cause, for the common “good,” yeah, I could do it, but, uh …
    ARCHER: That is because you’re a moral man.
    CHARLES: But, if it was just, uh … “expediency,” I couldn’t …
    ARCHER: No, fuck that.
Fuck
that, Sir. We’re speaking of the absolute integrity of That One Man, who occupies the Highest Office in the land. (
Pause
) Who would like to
hold
the highest office in the land (
Pause
) rather than go home and play pitch and putt golf with Cathy.
    CHARLES: