Now That Hes Gone by Beverly Tobocman Read Free Book Online Page B

moved on. This was my survival technique. I never felt sorry for myself. Life challenged me, so I learned to create reality from what I dreamed. This was a big, rewarding accomplishment, a big treat.”
    Is she bitter about the raw deal she got? Not at all. In her words, “If I had my life to live over, I wouldn't change a thing. Honestly. All the unhappiness I lived through has actually taught me how to be happy, how to find comfort and consolation in all sorts of little ways. Now I'm happy all the time. I don't worry. I never worry. Why? Because I know how to handle anything. I have handled it and I can do it again if I need to.”
    Luanne has friends to whom she can turn for support. She says that her friends “add richness and depth” to her life. They are her family of choice. In the pain-filled ordeal that has been her life, she's learned to be emotionally self-reliant. “Somewhere along the line, I just decided to never go a day unhappy.” And that has become the mantra she lives by every single day, no matter what.
It's Not What Happens to You That Counts…
    I don't for one second want to discount any pain you're going through right now. That's not the purpose of this chapter. When you're hurting, you don't necessarily hurt less when you see someone else suffering more. My reason for telling you about Luanne is so that we can all take a lesson from this remarkable woman's spirit, strength and positive attitude. She is the best example I know of someone who was dealt a miserable hand, yet has played it in a way that has enabled her to win the jackpot—a life of happiness, success and fulfillment.
    No matter what you're experiencing, it's unlikely to be any worse than what Luanne experienced from the time she was old enough to walk and talk. Yet when you see how she endured, how she absorbed the pain and turned it into joy, you have to believe that you can do it too. We all suffer, and sometimes we suffer more than we ever thought we'd have to. But the pain doesn't have to beat us or make us bitter. It can make us stronger, better, more independent women. The key factor is not what happens to you. It's what you do with it that makes the difference.
    So no matter how bad your life might be right now, you can be sure someone else's life is worse. You can also be sure that within yourself is the power, the potential, the wherewithal to get through it and come out at the other end with a smile and the resolve, like Luanne, to “never go a day unhappy.”
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Chapter 6 – The Power of Gratitude, the Wisdom of Letting Go
    When your whole life has been turned upside down, when you've experienced a huge loss, when you're hurting like never before—the last thing you're likely to feel is gratitude. And the last words you want to say are “Thank you.” Yet that's exactly what I'm going to suggest, and there are plenty of good reasons for it.
    At a time like this, when you're feeling alone and vulnerable, you're probably not feeling very powerful. If you've recently become a widow, you're experiencing the loss of strength and stability your husband provided. Even if you've been an independent, self-sufficient woman, the truth is, the efforts of two people are almost always more powerful than one.
    If you ended your marriage willingly, you might be feeling liberated, but probably not empowered. Divorce is rarely an empowering experience. After the conflict, the dividing of property and the (usually) huge expense, most women feel drained, sapped of strength and in need of recovery.
A Powerful, Positive Emotion
    Into this mix of disempowering emotions, I advise my clients to inject the feeling of gratitude. Why? For starters, gratitude is a positive emotion. It impels you to focus, not on what you don't have (the negatives) but on what you do have. This in itself can, and usually does, make a woman feel more powerful, more abundant, more blessed.
    Regardless of what your personal circumstances