Off The Clock: First Responders, Book 1 by Donna Alward Read Free Book Online

was nothing wrong with her intuition. There was more happening here than a cup of coffee and catching up.
    “It’s not me, is it?” She pulled her hand back and picked up her tea. “It was the same at the hospital. Suddenly you got cold and you walked away. Are you going to walk away today? Or are you going to tell me what’s eating at you?”
    He folded his hands on the countertop and looked up at her, his face a protective mask. “No,” he said quietly. “I’m not going to walk away today.”
    His words did absolutely nothing to reassure her. He wasn’t running, but what was going on? Was it about the accident? About… She lowered her eyes so he wouldn’t see the embarrassment that suddenly made her feel small and shy. About the kiss they’d shared? Was he here to let her down easy just like he had when they were kids? She lifted her chin. She wasn’t that girl anymore. She was tougher. Wiser. She’d been through worse conversations.
    “But?” She kept her gaze steadily on his.
    “But I need you to know why I walked away before. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I meant what I said. It wasn’t your fault, it was mine. It’s been mine for a long time. And kissing you sent you the wrong message…”
    Everything inside her seemed to turn cold. She wasn’t surprised he regretted it, so why did it sting so much? She felt just like she had on prom night, when he’d broken off the kiss and said he didn’t think of her that way. Gabe the Honest. The Honorable.
    “So you didn’t want to kiss me?”
    “Oh Carly, it wasn’t a matter of wanting. Wanting has nothing to do with it. It never has.”
    Her heart gave a weird little kick.
    “I don’t know what that means,” she whispered.
    “It’s a matter of deserving,” he explained, his dark eyes earnest, “and I can’t go on having you think I’m such a paragon when clearly I’m not. I’m not your knight in shining armor. I’m just a paramedic who happened to be in the right place at the right time.”
    She smiled, though it felt a little stiff. She wasn’t quite sure what he was getting at, but she was willing to play it through if it meant getting to the truth. “Neither of us holds the corner on virtue. Give yourself a break.”
    He shook his head. “You don’t know. You don’t know what I did.”
    What he did? What could he have possibly done? He’d dedicated his whole life to helping people. She knew he was a good man. So why were they talking in riddles and abstracts? She wished he’d just come out and say what he meant.
    “I know you were my brother’s best friend for fourteen years. I know you were the boy I looked up to all my life, the one who didn’t care how foolish he looked to the guys when he took his best friend’s stood-up sister to the prom.”
    “I made mistakes.”
    “Haven’t we all?” She put her teacup in the sink and came back to stand across from him. “No one’s perfect. We both know that. For heaven’s sake, look at me. I married a man who didn’t want children. I thought he’d change his mind. Then when he didn’t, I accepted it and fooled myself into believing the kindergarten kids I taught were enough. I got pregnant and he walked away. I did a poor job choosing, Gabe. I made so many mistakes with my marriage, and now my son has no father because I made the wrong decision.”
    “You’re not responsible for Jason’s failures,” Gabe gritted out. “He didn’t deserve you.”
    “You’re right.” Carly had had lots of time to think about it and she knew she wasn’t blameless. Not that she condoned Jason walking away from his own child. Not that it didn’t hurt, because it cut her so deeply sometimes it stole her breath. But she’d convinced herself it didn’t matter. “No matter Jason’s faults, he was honest with me and deserved a woman who accepted him as he was. Who loved him wholeheartedly, and that wasn’t me.”
    “It’s not the same,” Gabe replied, running his hand over his hair