On Little Wings by Regina Sirois Read Free Book Online

he confirmed. “She’ll be fine.”
    “Just by herself? To a stranger? What is everyone thinking ?”
    “Sarah’s a teacher. She’s family,” he answered calmly, ignoring her questions. “I’ll talk to her first. I’ll make sure Jennifer’s okay.”
    “You’ve done enough damage,” she hissed.
    “Mother!” For a moment she glared me down and then seemed to remember who I was. As her expression softened, so did my voice. “Please stop. Dad never wanted to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you. I am asking you to let me know the only relative I have in the world. Maybe I’ll hate her,” I said quickly, holding up a hand when she opened her mouth to interrupt. “But I’ll always wonder until I know. I feel like I’m supposed to do this. I want to do this. I want to go.” I pointed to my father, “But not if it makes you hate us. If it makes you hate us I will stay here and talk to her on the phone and go meet her when I’m out of the house for college.”
    Her stunned face processed the fact that she could not stop the reunion indefinitely. “I’m not ready for this, Jennifer.”
    I stepped up to her cautiously, not sure how long she would let herself be vulnerable, and touched her hair, “I think I’m ready for both of us. I will come home and tell you everything. And nothing anyone could ever say would ever change us .” Warm tears fell out her eyes and dropped past my raised hand onto her shirt. She pushed her eyes with the back of her hand, leaving gray, uneven tracks of mascara under her lashes.
    “I’m mad because she doesn’t deserve to know you. You’re mine,” my mother couldn’t disguise the bitterness in her voice, but her last words came out tenderly.
    “I’m yours,” I agreed with a small smile.
    I put my arms out, watching her study me until she cupped the back of my neck and pulled me gently to her. As she spoke I felt her hot breath against my hair. “Tell your father everything. And buy a one way ticket so you can come home as soon as you want to. And try not to mention it to me because I can’t stand to think about…” She broke off. There were probably too many things she couldn't stand to think about.
    “I can go? And you won’t be mad at me? Or Dad?” I threw in the last part, knowing that he had started all of this for my sake.
    “I’ll try,” she answered honestly.
    “Will you be okay?”
    “When you’re back home, I’ll be okay.”
    “Then let’s get this over with so we don’t have to torture ourselves any longer.” My mother drew back and nodded despite the worry in her eyes. We were on the same team again.
    Careful not to rub it in I called Sarah from Cleo’s house to arrange the details. I would fly out a week after school ended and, though I didn’t admit it to my mother, I planned to stay for two weeks. I’m certain she expected me to be gone a few days, shake hands, make introductions and get home to Nebraska, but every time I spoke to Sarah on the phone the words came easier and my desire to be with her grew.
    On the last day of school, while hundreds of students celebrated around me I focused a sober look at Cleo who frowned in silent agreement. The only thing we really cared about was still a week in the future. Without the hours of school to distract us, it felt like a very long time. We sulked through the next seven days, alternating between giddy excitement and irritability. My mother’s sulking took the form of pure denial. She didn’t mention the trip and didn’t look at my father and me more than courtesy required. Everything she said had the sound of someone who wasn’t paying attention to her own words. Her eyes had the flat look that only constant anxiety can produce.
    On the night before my morning plane departure, I eased her bedroom door open and slipped into her room. The light from her bedside lamp made an uneven, yellow circle of light across her blanket and left half of her face in shadow. She was reading with a look