On My Own by Melody Carlson Read Free Book Online

you?”
    He nodded. “Yep. It's easy to admit it now, but I didn't tell a soul at the time. I was so homesick last year that I started getting stomachaches, and it was hard to keep food down.”
    “Really?”
    “Yeah. And I'd come from a small town–well, you know, Campbell. It's only about twenty miles from your hometown.”
    “Wow, that is small.”
    “Uh-huh. It's the kind of place where everybody knows everybody. A little different from here.”
    “Must've been hard.”
    “It took a couple months to make the adjustment. But I started going to the fellowship group and made some good friends. And now it all seems like a distant memory.”
    I sighed. “Well, that gives me hope.”
    “What did you think of today's sermon?”
    “It really got to me.”
    He swirled the coffee around in his cup. “Yeah, me too.”
    “I know it's probably just what I needed to hear too, but it sure wasn't easy. I guess I felt pretty nailed.”
    “That's a good way to describe it.”
    I smiled. “Yeah. To be totally honest, I think I've been having a great big pity party lately. Party of one, that is.”
    He chuckled. “We've all been there.”
    “It's like I've been so wrapped up in poor old me and mymiserable little life and how nothing seems to be going right. I think it's gotten me pretty bummed, if not totally depressed.”
    “That's usually what happens when we focus on ourselves too much.”
    “Kind of like what Pastor Obertti said about trying to save your life and yet losing it?”
    “Yep.”
    “And I'm even thinking about my roommate now. Like maybe God really did put me with her for a reason, but now I'm worried my self-centeredness may be messing it all up.”
    “It's not too late. God can fix anything–if you let Him.”
    “Yeah. I think I'm ready to let Him. It's no fun doing it the other way.”
    We talked for about an hour, and by the time we finished, I felt so much better. And I felt as if I knew Bryce better too. There's a lot more to him than I'd originally assumed. He's a very thoughtful and sensitive guy, with a real heart for God. He's someone I appreciate having for a friend. And it's such a relief to know that he already has a serious girlfriend. She goes to school out of state, but they've been involved with each other since high school.
    “We hardly ever see each other,” he explained as we walked toward the dorms. “But we e-mail almost daily, and in some ways that makes us feel closer than when we're actually together.”
    So I feel like, not only did I make a good friend today, but God got my attention in a big way. Now I'm going to look up (and write down) all those Bible verses about dying to self daily. And I'll try to remember that my life belongs to God not me. If I find myself indulging in a stupid pity party, it must mean that I'm not laying down my life for Him. Because it's hard to feel sorry for yourself when you're living for God.
    The cool thing was, as I walked back to my dorm, I actually noticed how totally gorgeous the fall foliage was today. The fog had burned off and the sun was shining through the colorful leaves. They looked just like jewels–amber and rubies and amethysts! It was so amazing. I even gathered a bunch of leaves to take to my room. And you know what? I almost feel like my old self again!
    THANKS, GOD! THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME THAT I AM YOURS AND THAT I'M NOT TO CLING TO MY LIFE BUT TO SIMPLY LAY IT AT YOUR FEET. AND THANK YOU FOR THE FRIEND YOU GAVE ME IN BRYCE TODAY. HELP ME TO REMEMBER ALL THAT YOU SHOWED ME, AND HELP ME TO BE A BRIGHT AND SHINING LIGHT FOR YOU! AMEN.

FIVE
Tuesday, October 8
    I've been really trying to reach out to Liz lately. And strangely enough I think I've made some real progress. We actually had a conversation this evening (before she left to meet Jordan). It started when I told her that I'd been a little depressed and homesick last week. I'm not quite sure what made me tell her, except that I was offering her some goodies from a