One Fine Day the Rabbi Bought a Cross by Harry Kemelman Read Free Book Online Page B

name?”
    â€œHe didn’t so much change it as translate it. Ish means man and tov means good, so Ish-Tov is a translation of Goodman. He’s become religious. What we call a Baal Tshuvah, in a yeshiva there.”
    â€œYou mean like born again?”
    â€œSort of. You know him? Officially, I mean?”
    â€œOh, it was years ago. There’s a professor at Northhaven lives here in town. We’ve got quite a few of them—professors, I mean—living here in town: Harvard, B.U., Northeastern, that’s because they’re about half an hour south of here. And Northhaven, which is about the same distance north. Well, this one had a picture window in his house broken. He called us about it. Said he was sure it was the Goodman boy. Had he seen him do it? No. Had anyone seen him? No, but the boy had threatened him. Seems he’d cut him off from his scholarship. The professor was on the Scholarship Committee, I gather. Naturally, we said we’d look into it. It wasn’t what you’d call a high-priority item, what with there being no proof. But I sent someone down to see Louis a few days later and he reported back that the boy had left town. So maybe he did do it. And that was the end of it. I certainly wasn’t going to put out an all-points bulletin over a broken window.”
    â€œThat’s all?”
    â€œYeah. Oh, then sometime later Louis came to see me about the boy. He had a snapshot of the boy in a long white gown and he was now a member of some crazy group in Arizona. Louis thought they might be a cult like the Moonies or the Hari Krishna and that maybe they brainwashed him and he might be a kind of prisoner. Well, of course, if he was being held against his will, I could notify the Arizona authorities. I did make some inquiries. According to the report I got they were supposed to be harmless. Some pot, maybe they even grew it. And, no doubt, some easygoing sex, but nothing the Arizona people were interested in doing anything about. So now he’s turned back to his own religion, has he? Well, that’s good. Louis and Rose must be happy.”
    â€œI’m not sure that they are. Things are not the same with us as with you. Your religion is grounded in faith, and return—some sects use the term ‘to be born again’ meaning to recover one’s faith, to believe once again. But our religion is a matter of obeying specific commandments. One who falls away from his religion doesn’t stop obeying all the commandments—thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not commit adultery, thou shalt not bear false witness—merely some of them. He may stop observing the Sabbath or obeying the dietary laws—or he may continue to obey those because they’re apt to be a matter of dietary habit.…” The rabbi smiled. “If I converted to Christianity tomorrow, I still wouldn’t be able to eat a lobster.”
    â€œI get it,” said Lanigan. “You mean when they fall away and become atheistic they continue to obey the major commandments but don’t bother with the minor ones.”
    â€œWell, in theory we don’t distinguish between major commandments and minor ones. A commandment is a commandment. Perhaps you might say the liturgical rather than the moral and ethical ones. But that’s pretty much it.”
    â€œSo when they become a what did you call it, a ballchew?”
    â€œBaal Tshuvah,” the rabbi said with a smile.
    â€œThen he starts observing all the commandments? What sort of thing does he do?”
    â€œWell, he might wear a kipah , a skullcap, all the time, and he’s apt to stop shaving. ‘Thou shalt not trim the corners of your beard.’ And he’d be meticulous about reciting his prayers three times a day. He’d make sure to wash his hands and recite the blessings that are called for before eating. Most of all, I suppose he’d spend a good deal of time in study.”
    â€œNot