One Man Show by John J. Bonk Read Free Book Online Page B

the rest
     of them, and not in a good way. After a pause you could drive a truck through, someone from the audience started tossing pennies
     at us. I wanted to exit stage left and just keep running. But I decided to wing it.
    “Since Your Highness insists, I shall summon the Princess at once! Princess Precious!” I shouted, running upstage. “You have
     company. Wherefore art thou, Princess? Come out, come out, wherever you are!”
    The backdrop rippled.
    “I’m coming!” Pepper shouted. “Hold your horses!”
    I heard running footsteps, then
rip!
- Pepper came busting through the middle of the paper drawbridge, leaving a giant hole just like in the Road Runner cartoons.
    “Gentle Princess,” I said, clutching her arm, “I’m sorry to have awakened you from your royal nap.”
    “Huh?” she said with her eyes closed. “Is that in the script?”
    Before I could get another word out, there was a loud
crack!
I looked at Felix to see if he’d broken in half, but he was still rock solid. Pepper must’ve knocked a wooden support loose.
    Leonard hollered, “Heads up!” A scream came from stage right. I looked up and saw the tall flat with the tower painted on
     it toppling over.
    I grabbed Pepper with one hand, Felix with the other, and ran across the stage, shouting, “Twister! Run for your royal lives!”
    Trumpets blared, horses whinnied, crickets chirped, babies cried. And the audience howled.
    The collapsing flat took another one with it, barely missing us. I pushed Pepper out of the way but slammed into the flagpole
     stage right. It knocked the giant speaker off the wall, and then
boom! -
the speaker smashed through the top of the baby-grand piano. The tremendous sound of piano strings vibrating shook the auditorium.
     Shook my bones.
    “Curtain!” I cried. “Pull the curtain!” But Leonard was gone. I threw myself onto the ropes and yanked with all my might.
    “Wait!” Wally said, zooming toward the stage. “Just two seconds!”
    I wasn’t waiting for anything. I just kept pulling. But Icouldn’t pull fast enough to hide what was happening center stage: Wally was standing on a pile of rubble, bowing. He was
     wearing costume number four (a zebra-print rug?). One final tug and the curtains were closed.
    It was over.
    Backstage was a disaster area. Four girls were crying, Felix was kicking the wall, and Pepper was screaming at Darlene.
    “This is all your fault! The hot lights melted that eyelash adhesive. I told you not to use so much!”
    “I didn’t use any at all!” Darlene snapped. “I ran out, so I used rubber cement.”
    Miss Honeywell appeared, looking crazed.
    “Is everyone all right?”
    “Yeah,” Darlene said.
    “Speak for yourself!” Pepper hollered.
    “Pepper, darlin’, your eyes are all swollen!” Miss Honeywell said. “Darlene, please accompany her to the nurse’s office. Everyone
     else, collect your belongings and proceed back to the classroom immediately.”
    The backstage door slammed.
    “When I get my hands on - that was the biggest fiasco I have ever -”
    It was Principal Futterman, too hot to finish a sentence.
    “Now take it easy, Dan,” Miss Honeywell said. “The good news is, no one got seriously hurt.”
    Futterman went ballistic, but I tuned out the yelling - justlike when Mom and Dad were at each other’s throats. I started going around collecting all the loose change that the mean kids
     had thrown on the stage.
    Too bad Jeremy Jason Wilder had to sit through that disaster. I’ll bet any money he switches to homeschooling after this.
     Hmm, eight cents and one Canadian nickel.
    It’s funny, this was my first paid performance, in a way. My first professional gig. That’s Dad’s word
-gig.
    “- and someone is going to be held accountable!”
    The door slammed again, and when I turned around everyone was gone - except for Wally, who was sucking the cream out of a
     Twinkie.
    “We should get back to class,” he said. “The play went well, don’t